The other night, my husband sent me a text: How is your might?
He meant to say, night. But his typo got me thinking, how the heck is my might?
My first response would be, poor. In fact, I haven’t felt mighty at all, for a long, long time.
Being mighty means to posses great and impressive power or strength; an action which requires great strength.
As I mentioned in my last post, the last time I felt truly strong and brave (mighty) was when I chose to have my daughter no matter who or what supported me. Since this time, I have been in somewhat of a metaphorical purgatory. According to wikipedia, since I am not a bible reader, purgatory is the condition or process of purification or temporary punishment- or karma, which sounds better to my soul.
Yes, it is supposed to be a state, which occurs after we physically die, but we don’t have to physically die to die, or to be in purgatory. I remember having a conversation about reincarnation with my father when I was pregnant. I said to him, it seemed that even in this one life, we have many deaths and rebirths. So then, it would make sense there would be a time of in-between- a time of limbo- a time of purgatory.
I suppose then, through these states of purgatory I have been quite mighty, believing as I do, that I have died and re-birthed hundreds of times already. Than, how is it I don’t feel mighty? Why do I feel I have lost some deep strength? And why, am I resurrecting it now?
Last night, I saw the movie Avatar. I could write several blog posts just on what I gathered from watching this amazing film. But one of the most intriguing pieces I gathered, was from the character, Neytiri (pictured above. My new hero). I am not sure I have seen a more balanced female. She displays the perfect amount of strength. She is wise, interpreting subtle energies from all living forces. She leads, and also follows. She loves, while also staying true to herself. And even in her blue glow, she has sex appeal and allure. She is fierce. Mighty. Real. Deep. Full of heart and soul, and she spoke to my heart and soul, and has since helped to pull out my might.
Neytiri is in all women. She is all women, but the obstacles for women are numerous to capturing this energy as well as James Cameron was able to capture her in his screenplay. One of these obstacles has to do with pleasing others. Women are open, as our sexual anatomy portrays. Because of this, energies are constantly being penetrated inside of us. We feel these energies inside of us, but because of our upbringings, where we were not taught about our true nature, we do not navigate through this maze of emotions and subtle energies easily. Instead we feel overwhelmed, missing the divine opportunity to interpret, and perhaps use these energies as guides and lessons for us in our personal lives and relationships.
I have heard many women say, they feel off center, overwhelmed, and irritated when they are around their family. This is because we feel them. We see them. We understand them. On levels we don’t even understand, and we just don’t know how to navigate, interpret and use these energies to assist others, and ourselves. In the movie, Neytiri was teaching the male character the ways of her people. She spoke of the subtle energies of the forest, and how they assist her people to survive and live. The same is true of us, if we pay attention.
Which brings me back to might. I am sensing its subtle energy inside of me. It reawakening tells me I am in need of its gifts and lessons. One of its lessons, is I understand how, once I became married I gave away a chunk of my power, thinking the man in my life had more wisdom and strength than I. I did this in small ways: Honey, do you think we should do it this way or that way? Should we go here or do this? Do you like me like this or do you like me like that?
I also did it in not so small of ways, Honey, I sense you aren’t feeling very confident and strong so I will make my self smaller so not to intimidate you, or make you feel worse. Honey, I feel like I understand things in a deeper way sometimes, but instead of following that deeper way, I will allow you to lead, and my wisdom will go astray. Honey, since I feel so damn mad at myself for giving up my power to you, I will punish you and try to leave you because it is all your fault, and I want myself back.
I would say it is difficult to be a woman in our culture, for these reasons and so many others. But in the movie, Avatar, women were respected. They were equal. They were sought for their wisdom and healing. Their insight, and knowledge. (and not just sex) I have struggled within my marriage, because I have a husband who does not (at least outwardly) seek me for my wisdom. For my healing. For my insight, and yet I have it all to give. (Another reason why I am grateful for this blog.) When he asked me what tie to wear a couple of weeks ago, I felt like a dog who never gets a pat. (Excuse me as I air my personal laundry with all of you- I am processing some big stuff- again)
I suppose this is one reason why I feel so stifled. Why I don’t feel mighty. I am not being used or using myself for all that I have to offer. So when I see a character such as Neyteri, I feel captivated and inspired, but depressed, as it makes clear how far away I feel from the true source and potential of my being. There has been no greater hell for me than this- I suppose this is why I call it purgatory- the process of purification hurts like hell (and it so goddamn long). And I always want it to be over, even though I learn so much. Yet, I know the cycle continues, and continues, and continues….
Which brings me to another lesson from Avatar. As I watched the “bad” guys, with their ego-driven ways try and destroy a culture of Natives, I realized life on Earth, or whatever planet we may end up on, may be hell for a long, long time- you know that space of purgatory. But those of us who understand the deeper parts of ourselves, and this human experience, we must continue to fight and stand for what is true inside of us. And this fight isn’t about sides, as Neytiri said. It is about balance, and it is God, or the AlMIGHTY, or who Neytiri’s people called God (which the name escapes me and I can’t find it on google) that understands what needs to happen so balance and harmony prevails.
Personally, for balance and harmony to prevail in my life, I am sensing from the AlMIGHTY it is time for me to be meMIGHTY. For so long, I have stifled this mightiness and strength I feel in me for I feared it meant I would not be nice, or compassionate, or “spiritual” or God forbid hurt someone’s feelings (you know that people pleasing thing, I mentioned). But my might cannot be stifled any longer, for with my mighty might, I can also love fiercly, act creatively and live fruitfully, and this would be worth losing anyone or anything that may be intimidated.
To assist in this reawakening, today I was advised by my Aunt Flo who reminded me we come from a family of strong women, and to call on them. It is no coincidence then, I received this advice, and saw Avatar, and now writing this blog.
It is time to be mighty, once again. Why? I still do not know. But I trust it has something to do with Balance.
And go see Avatar. It is a true winner.
The Mighty Soul Reporter