>It’s Time to be meMighty

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The other night, my husband sent me a text: How is your might?
He meant to say, night. But his typo got me thinking, how the heck is my might?
My first response would be, poor. In fact, I haven’t felt mighty at all, for a long, long time.
Being mighty means to posses great and impressive power or strength; an action which requires great strength.
As I mentioned in my last post, the last time I felt truly strong and brave (mighty) was when I chose to have my daughter no matter who or what supported me. Since this time, I have been in somewhat of a metaphorical purgatory. According to wikipedia, since I am not a bible reader, purgatory is the condition or process of purification or temporary punishment- or karma, which sounds better to my soul.
Yes, it is supposed to be a state, which occurs after we physically die, but we don’t have to physically die to die, or to be in purgatory. I remember having a conversation about reincarnation with my father when I was pregnant. I said to him, it seemed that even in this one life, we have many deaths and rebirths. So then, it would make sense there would be a time of in-between- a time of limbo- a time of purgatory.
I suppose then, through these states of purgatory I have been quite mighty, believing as I do, that I have died and re-birthed hundreds of times already. Than, how is it I don’t feel mighty? Why do I feel I have lost some deep strength? And why, am I resurrecting it now?
Last night, I saw the movie Avatar. I could write several blog posts just on what I gathered from watching this amazing film. But one of the most intriguing pieces I gathered, was from the character, Neytiri (pictured above. My new hero). I am not sure I have seen a more balanced female. She displays the perfect amount of strength. She is wise, interpreting subtle energies from all living forces. She leads, and also follows. She loves, while also staying true to herself. And even in her blue glow, she has sex appeal and allure. She is fierce. Mighty. Real. Deep. Full of heart and soul, and she spoke to my heart and soul, and has since helped to pull out my might.
Neytiri is in all women. She is all women, but the obstacles for women are numerous to capturing this energy as well as James Cameron was able to capture her in his screenplay. One of these obstacles has to do with pleasing others. Women are open, as our sexual anatomy portrays. Because of this, energies are constantly being penetrated inside of us. We feel these energies inside of us, but because of our upbringings, where we were not taught about our true nature, we do not navigate through this maze of emotions and subtle energies easily. Instead we feel overwhelmed, missing the divine opportunity to interpret, and perhaps use these energies as guides and lessons for us in our personal lives and relationships.
I have heard many women say, they feel off center, overwhelmed, and irritated when they are around their family. This is because we feel them. We see them. We understand them. On levels we don’t even understand, and we just don’t know how to navigate, interpret and use these energies to assist others, and ourselves. In the movie, Neytiri was teaching the male character the ways of her people. She spoke of the subtle energies of the forest, and how they assist her people to survive and live. The same is true of us, if we pay attention.
Which brings me back to might. I am sensing its subtle energy inside of me. It reawakening tells me I am in need of its gifts and lessons. One of its lessons, is I understand how, once I became married I gave away a chunk of my power, thinking the man in my life had more wisdom and strength than I. I did this in small ways: Honey, do you think we should do it this way or that way? Should we go here or do this? Do you like me like this or do you like me like that?
I also did it in not so small of ways, Honey, I sense you aren’t feeling very confident and strong so I will make my self smaller so not to intimidate you, or make you feel worse. Honey, I feel like I understand things in a deeper way sometimes, but instead of following that deeper way, I will allow you to lead, and my wisdom will go astray. Honey, since I feel so damn mad at myself for giving up my power to you, I will punish you and try to leave you because it is all your fault, and I want myself back.
I would say it is difficult to be a woman in our culture, for these reasons and so many others. But in the movie, Avatar, women were respected. They were equal. They were sought for their wisdom and healing. Their insight, and knowledge. (and not just sex) I have struggled within my marriage, because I have a husband who does not (at least outwardly) seek me for my wisdom. For my healing. For my insight, and yet I have it all to give. (Another reason why I am grateful for this blog.) When he asked me what tie to wear a couple of weeks ago, I felt like a dog who never gets a pat. (Excuse me as I air my personal laundry with all of you- I am processing some big stuff- again)
I suppose this is one reason why I feel so stifled. Why I don’t feel mighty. I am not being used or using myself for all that I have to offer. So when I see a character such as Neyteri, I feel captivated and inspired, but depressed, as it makes clear how far away I feel from the true source and potential of my being. There has been no greater hell for me than this- I suppose this is why I call it purgatory- the process of purification hurts like hell (and it so goddamn long). And I always want it to be over, even though I learn so much. Yet, I know the cycle continues, and continues, and continues….
Which brings me to another lesson from Avatar. As I watched the “bad” guys, with their ego-driven ways try and destroy a culture of Natives, I realized life on Earth, or whatever planet we may end up on, may be hell for a long, long time- you know that space of purgatory. But those of us who understand the deeper parts of ourselves, and this human experience, we must continue to fight and stand for what is true inside of us. And this fight isn’t about sides, as Neytiri said. It is about balance, and it is God, or the AlMIGHTY, or who Neytiri’s people called God (which the name escapes me and I can’t find it on google) that understands what needs to happen so balance and harmony prevails.
Personally, for balance and harmony to prevail in my life, I am sensing from the AlMIGHTY it is time for me to be meMIGHTY. For so long, I have stifled this mightiness and strength I feel in me for I feared it meant I would not be nice, or compassionate, or “spiritual” or God forbid hurt someone’s feelings (you know that people pleasing thing, I mentioned). But my might cannot be stifled any longer, for with my mighty might, I can also love fiercly, act creatively and live fruitfully, and this would be worth losing anyone or anything that may be intimidated.
To assist in this reawakening, today I was advised by my Aunt Flo who reminded me we come from a family of strong women, and to call on them. It is no coincidence then, I received this advice, and saw Avatar, and now writing this blog.
It is time to be mighty, once again. Why? I still do not know. But I trust it has something to do with Balance.
And go see Avatar. It is a true winner.
Namaste,
The Mighty Soul Reporter

>Calling the Sacred Feminine out of the Shadows

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A Dream:

I left a house naked wearing only a sheet. My intention was seduction and exposure. But, when I saw a man approaching me, I became frightened and thought better of my original intention. I ran back into the house where I locked all the doors, shut all the windows, and pulled down the blinds.
As a woman in this life, I am on a journey I have only begun to recognize. That journey involves what it means to be a woman right now on this planet. In a certain way, it is something I have denied, or overshadowed as I am not one who thinks of myself only as a woman, or as a Caucasian, or of Italian descent. I know myself as more, and am wary of the sort of pride, which comes with over-identification of any such aspect of ourselves.
Yet, to go on overshadowing what it means to be born a woman may mean I am missing out on an opportunity to consciously know the gifts of the Sacred Feminine, and how they might be used to help restore and heal the planet. This dream I had lets me know I am at least ready to examine the feminine, yet I also see I am not prepared quite yet to embody her true aspects.
What are her true aspects? Since, I am still hiding, I cannot claim to know. The dictionary says this about the feminine: having qualities of delicateness and prettiness. In music it is referred metrically as a weak beat. Based on these definitions, the feminine doesn’t seem to hold much strength. Yet, the predominate male energy running on the planet, suggests something different. On one end we receive the message we mustn’t reveal too much of ourselves. We must remain pure and wholesome, and in our standard roles of mothers and wives. On the other end, we receive the message we are here for the pleasure of men, and therefore must reveal ourselves more, but only as it pertains to our bodies and sexuality.

If the feminine is not powerful, than why the confusion? Why is it we don’t know what to do with the feminine? Why has it been oppressed for so long? So feared? Kept hidden in our religions except for the roles as mother, wife and prostitute? Why were “witches” burned at the stake for their healing abilities? Why are women beaten? Betrayed? Raped? Not fully honored, respected and treasured? Why was was it Eve who tempted Adam with the forbidden fruit?Why is the feminine hiding, and still being ignored?

A pharse, which keeps coming up for me is, “It is better you don’t see me for who I really am because if you did, I would frighten you, and at the very least make you uncomfortable.” Is this the domineering message the Feminine recieves, that it is better we did not see the beauty and power of Her? If it is, it is time for this message to fade into the back ground. But first, for this to happen we must want Her.
In my dream I wanted to leave the security of my home, and be naked because I wanted to seduce, and be seduced. To say this out loud, makes me feel a bit shameful and vulnerable. The act of seduction is not a desirable one. In the dictionary, to seduce means to attract someone to a belief or into a course of action that is inadvisable or foolhardy. It also is defined as enticing into sexual activity.
Of course my dream suggests, on the surface something purely sexual, and maybe even stupid. Why would I go out into the world in my nakedness trying to seduce and be seduced? Isn’t this leaving me open to be raped, or beaten, or betrayed, or ignored? This is the fear, right? When I saw the man and became afraid of what he MIGHT do, the desire of seduction was immediately shrouded, and I ran back to the security of my home, where I would no longer be seen.
We hide because we are ignorant, and we have been ignorant of the Sacred Feminine for a long, long, long time. Yet, somewhere deep within us, we understand the power She has, and I think some of us might be ready to get to know Her. This collective desire for Her, will begin to awaken Her. In many ways, this awakening process has already begun, for if nothing else we may know what the Sacred Feminine is not.
For me She is not the woman in the power suit exerting her place in corporate America. She is not the martyr who doesn’t take care of herself. She is not the woman hiding behind her perfectly displayed home and family. She is not “I am woman, hear me roar”, and who needs a man. But, She is perfectly and harmoniously placed inside the women who perform these “acts” each and everyday. It’s all apart of the Plan of awakening the Sacred Truth of the Feminine.
This Sacred Truth of the Feminine, if even a small sliver is revealed, is needed now. We are in trouble, and this is no doomsday speech. It is a rumbling I feel, as do many others. The now, late Michael Jackson (and no matter what we may think of him, he was a sensitive, in tune soul) said we have four years before there is no turning back the effects of what’s been done to the earth.
Mother Earth is sick, he said, like we get sick. She has a fever. And I ask who are the nurturers? The visionaries? The empathizers? The wise ones with the healing touch? Who kiss our foreheads and nurse us back to health, when we are sick? Women. Mothers. Daughters. Wives. And the men who embrace the feminine within them.
Russell Simmons recently tweeted, “The lack of female experssion in governing this world has caused a dangerous imbalance that could destroy the planet.” I will never forget the criticism Hillary Clinton received during the “fight” for the Democratic seat when she cried. What is wrong with this form, of what has been known as, feminine expression?
I used to have a statue called, the Weeping Buddha. He weeps for the suffering of the world. The earth. The children. The animals. For us, and our suffering. I say, let us weep. It is not weakness to weep. It is strength. And as the tears fall, we are cleansed, and our hearts open and the Sacred Feminine emerges to quiet the fever, that is raging across the planet.
As I close, again, I do not claim for even a moment to understand the Feminine aspect. I have just reached the tip of its depth. However, because of my dream I know there is something powerful brewing in my cauldron. I want to be naked. I want to seduce, and not for sex, but for a new way of being in this world. And why in my nakedness should I be ashamed? Should I be feared? Raped? Kept small, forbidden, locked up and hidden? The imbalance of too much masculine has eaten up many spaces of this planet, has caused the rape of the land, the children, the women. And this is no way to bash men. It is a promise to once again seduce the masculine, into biting the apple, but this time not in ignorance and shame, but for it’s original intent- for Her wisdom. Her healing. Her vision. Her power.
The emergence, and embodiment of the Sacred Feminine for both men and women begin with a desire not to hide, and be in our nakedness. To be real. True. Vulnerable. Exposed.
Naked defined means: to be without the usual covering or protection. To be exposed to harm; unprotected, vulnerable. In my idealist mind, there will come a time when this exposure will no longer cause weak and ignorant minds to harm because there will be no more weak and ignorant minds. And even now, as we see the “danger” exists, may we Know who we truly are, can never be harmed.
Namaste,
The Soul Reporter, simmering in her cauldron preparing to be exposed.

>Focus

>I had a dream I was offered a job. It wasn’t a job that intrigued me more than my current job, but the opportunities it presented did- more money and travel. The only stipulation was I had to have a partner and that partner had to be a man. 

The man they set me up with seemed to me unstable, and I told the people hiring me that I did not think he was capable of working with me; a fact they did not seem to recognize until I told them.  When they did realize this, they sent him off.  I knew he was going to get ‘fixed’ and would come back a more stable man.  
Almost immediately after waking up from this dream, I knew what it meant.  The unstable man is my masculine self.  For, I don’t know how long- perhaps when I got married, or maybe even before, I gave up my masculine self believing my ‘real’ man could do better.  In the meantime, my feminine self has been really off balance- crazy-emotional, ultra-sensitive and way out of focus.  However, to give her tons of credit she is the bravest woman I know.  She helped me to delve into the darker places of my soul where I learned aspects of myself I could have not known without her full presence in my life.  
Now after being fully in the feminine (at least the off-balance feminine), I  find myself in a new frontier.  I no longer want to rely on my ‘real’ man to save me or balance me from my crazy-emotional, ultra-sensitive and way out of focus self.  Instead I want to rely on my masculine self.  However he is being institutionalized at the moment, as we remember from my dream.
I absolutely knew when he was sent away in my dream, and then upon awakening, that I do not have to micromanage his rehabilitation. I do not even have to be updated on his progress. I just have to trust he will return when he is well, and also when I am ready to receive him.
We all know the symbol of the yin and the yang. It is forever etched in my mind, when as a young girl it was an image I stared at for hours while I sat near my dad’s floor heater to get warm. He had painted it on his closet door.  
There are some prideful men I am sure that would say they do not have a feminine side, but they do, however repressed it may be.  There also may be women who refuse to know they have a masculine side.  I believe we get into relationship to realize this, and to integrate so we are whole and balanced like the symbol. Why else would we have such a strong urge for relationship, considering how difficult they are.  We need each other for balance and wholeness, that is until we don’t- when we develop both aspects within ourself.
This balancing act is reminding me of the hormone show I saw on Oprah.  Women suffering from hormone imbalances can get tests done to see what their estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels are. If any of these numbers are off they can choose to take replacement hormones to bring them back into balance.  Relationships serve to get our masculine and feminine aspects into balance.  
The opportunity my relationship has given me is to dig so deep within myself where I now understand it is time to integrate back in my masculine side that I a) never really had or b) let go of to leave up to my father, husband and other men in my life.  
Today, through writing, I invited my masculine side to return.  I told him, if he is ready, I am ready to receive him.  And why do I want to receive him? Because I want focus.  
I know the only thing stopping me from achieving my dreams right now is a lack of focus. Men are great at this.  So much so, they can easily get lost in their own one-pointed thinking, and if it is a thought of self-service, this can be dangerous.  
Sometimes, I notice my husband doing this, even with the most mundane of tasks like making his family breakfast.  He is so focused on the task, and getting it done, and being efficient at it, I get the sense he forgets about the process of it- the breaking of the eggs, the whipping of the waffle mix, the flipping of the bacon, and the serving to his family.  There have been times when I see him whipping around the kitchen or through the house where I stand right in front of him, having him look at me as if to say- hey, stop, and smell the roses.  
The masculine side can miss the beauty. The masculine side can become very selfish in its lofty or even mundane pursuits. However when you bring in the expansivness of the feminine the masculine can breathe and appreciate.  
Women are wonderful at attention to detail and beauty.  But just like with the men, women can get lost in their emotional worlds.  They can lose focus, become easily depressed as they are unable to grasp a rational or logical thought which could pull them up from the abyss.  I often call my dad when I am in an emotional cauldron.  He listens, and gives me perspective. 
But back to focus-  I am ready for it.  A co-worker said to me Thursday that I seemed different.  At first he called it isolation, but then he said I was focused.  I was surprised, but I thought- hmmm…maybe he’s right.  Maybe the ‘different’ energy is me going internal and harnessing all of these energies within me and focusing long enough to create a masterpiece that has been within me waiting to get out.  
I know it’s possible- and I need the ‘man’ from my dream to be healthy and strong, and return to me.
I recall when we moved into the house we are in now.  We downsized, yet still had all of our things. In 10 days I unpacked every box and found a place for every single item.  I told my dad this and he asked if I was mad the whole time because no one helped. I said no, I wasn’t which was one of the reasons it got done. The emotional dramas and expectations were not there. Instead I focused and in a short amount of time the house was completely put together.
Those of us who are hearing the call to at last hunker down and focus on our higher aspirations, are fortunate to have a role model. His name is Barack Obama.  I could not help but notice how he came out Inauguration Day like Rocky Balboa ready to fight, but in this case, work.  And not only this, he merged this pure focus of commitment and strength with the feminine aspects of beauty and grace. The result- a humbled, balanced and awe-inspiring man.  
In the past I have been afraid to focus because I feared I would get lost in something I could not control or get out of.  I have been afraid to truly live. To see, and feel the power, the light, the inspiration and the focus which is within me.  But… 
This is the year.  Bring out what is within you.  Trust it. Harness it.  Focus it. Create it.  Offer it. And be humble in your pursuit.
Namaste, 
Nikki