Glimpse Through A Sunroof: Increasing Our Inner Capacity

This glimpse through a sunroof tells a story. I did not know this when I took the shot. I only knew I just bought a new car and had pulled it into my driveway after saying goodbye to my mom, who was recently discharged from a hospital into a nursing home. 

Leaving my little mom who is, as she says, “not aging well” in a stark room, is that darker cloud hovering over the others. The other clouds are the week that had just ended. It was a week of juggling work, family, self-care, and my mom. The glimpses of blue sky are the new car and the experience of holding all of this while maintaining steadiness, stability, and even some joy.

This is the individual story. 

The larger, universal-soul story is we have tremendous capacity to hold any and all of what comes to us. Yet, many of us cannot because we are full to the brim, often running over, with clutter. The clutter is both internal clutter and external clutter. When we are filled to the brim with clutter, we are at capacity. When we are at capacity we do not run efficiently, and therefore, either do our lives and relationships. 

This used to be me—I was at capacity and not running as well as I am capable or as I am now. My clutter expressed itself in controlling behaviors and overall rigidity. It also looked like shutting down and isolation. Don’t get me wrong, I am still in the recovery process, as these patterns were deeply rooted and honestly kept me sane for a long time. One of my more useful patterns is being VERY organized. Being organized kept the overwhelm at bay. My most useful companion on this journey is my burning desire for space, order and understanding WHY. 

I compare myself to the Princess and the Pea. I am sensitive to discomfort. It does not matter if the discomfort is internal or external. If I feel it, I deal with it. Dealing with internal clutter takes diligence, patience, commitment and courage. What comes from this process, at first in small glimpses and then expanded ones, is self-knowledge, flexibility, enthusiasm, inner spaciousness, creativity, freedom, healthier relationships, clarity, calm and overall graciousness and generosity toward ourselves and therefore, others.

This is our potential. Our promise. Our possibility. And, it’s an ever-evolving process that I desire for us all to be consciously attuned to. It is also my desire to be a companion on this journey. So, follow here on this site, and here @adailyglimpse Facebook and Instagram for more. 

Stay tuned for a breakdown of internal & external clutter.

A Daily Glimpse

This is me sophomore year in high school. I’m in photography class (the only class I liked). I see a contemplative person. A deep well doing my best to function in superficiality, knowing there’s more, and feeling my way inward. 

I am still this way except I am beyond doing my best with superficiality. I have moved to that deeper place and I’ve discovered so much about myself. 

The journey so far has been intense and this is because I set a clear intention- maybe around the time of this picture- that I would get through my stuff sooner rather than later.

This “stuff,” is the trauma and neglect of my childhood. It’s the alcohol and mental illness from a primary caregiver. It’s the bullying and feeling left out in school. It’s the why I’m codependent (now in recovery). It’s all of that and more, and how it creates deep psychological conditioning, which creates disruptive relationships dynamics, behaviors and moods. 

It is my sense we are in a great battle due to the wounds of our upbringing. These wounds create psychological conditioning that impact our everyday lives, experiences and relationships. Many of us do not realize this is the case and just assume: this is who we are. But these attitudes and behaviors, that come from this psychological space is not who we are. We are more. And, we can be restored to who we are. Some of us are waking up to this realization because it is time. It is time to evolve and advance, and break the cycles of trauma and neglect.

At 47 I feel I am on the other side of the psychological conditioning and making my way toward everyday, every moment consciousness- one glimpse at a time. 

As I become more awake the desire to externalize all that I have learned also awakens. This is why I have started a new page on social media called A Daily Glimpse. The intention is to share, in a digestible way, the often complex and challenging experience of personal and spiritual transformation. There have been many who made the shift that came before me and helped me along the way. I now notice others coming forward to do the same. Sometimes I wonder, am I too late?

The ego says: why bother then. Well- because this shift in higher consciousness is bigger than my ego and I choose to be a part of the change and that is why I want to offer the messages I have to give. If you’d like guidance and support in making the shift from our psychological conditioning to expanded consciousness follow @adailyglimpse.

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Guest Post: Who Am I

By Louis DiVirgilio

“Who am I”

This is a difficult question to answer, although most people will have their answer at the ready.  They will begin to give a litany of their identifications; I am a human,  a male, a son, a father, a white man, a Christian, a student, etc…  Yet, does their identifications explicitly define the question of “Who I am?”  It does up to a certain narrow perspective.  If we include only the material aspects of our perspective, it does deliver a relative truth of who we are, all in terms of our material interpretation. But it seems we always identify ourselves with what we see, with what we touch, with what we smell, with what we hear, with what we possess, all exclusively with the objective world.

There is a poem written by, Edwin Arlington Robinson, called “Richard Cory.”  Richard Cory was, “empirically slim, always human when he talked, admirably schooled in every grace, richer than a king, he even glittered when he walked;” simple people wished they were in his place.  Yet, one calm, summer night, went home and put a bullet through his head.

Of all of his accomplishments, and material possessions, none brought Richard true, lasting satisfaction or joy.  What was missing in Richard Cory’s life that made him take his life?  There is a song that asks a question, “Is that all there is?” and the answer resounds, “If that is all there is, what’s the use of living.”  As human beings we have a cosmic, interior urge to expand.  If we live in a 6′ by 8′ room, we will aspire to live in a 12′ by 12′ room, and if that room feels enclosed we will look for a larger room.

Click here to Lou’s blog and continue reading

Don’t Look in that Box- or Do

Today’s Soul Report: Seeing & Going Deeper

“Mom, I need to show you something. There’s a dead cat in a box.” (Yes, Rhonda I am writing about it)

Lilli, my 11-year old was outside, and came across a box in the middle of a sidewalk. She  seemed a bit traumatized.

“Okay, Lilli I will look.” But, I wasn’t sure I wanted to see, or smell a dead cat in a box.

We took the walk, and I could see something black sticking out of a box. Was it black fluid? Was it a garbage bag? Was that even it? 

We got closer. I’ll spare details.

Later, Lilli took my oldest daughter, Alyssa and their father to see. At first Alyssa didn’t want to see. She said, “I don’t want to see anything I might regret.”

When they returned, I asked how it went and what they thought. My husband said it was a dog.

How each of us responded to the dead animal in the box got me thinking- and of course composing a post in my head. How we respond to this sad and grotesque image might say how we respond to all that is sad and grotesque inside of ourselves.

My husband: just looked. It’s a dog. And that was that. It’s done (or so I assume).

Alyssa: stood further away, peered, afraid she might regret what she might see.

Lilli: traumatized and wanted everyone to see. She is the instigator and because of her age is almost intrigued by things like this.

Me: timid, but curiosity brought me closer. Gross and frightening, yes, but I wanted to know more. What is it- a dog, a crow, a cat, a human head? Who did this, and why? I was so curious, I wanted to dig deeper, open the plastic bag it was in. I wanted to know its story- now, before and after. But, it didn’t seem safe. Disease…germs…and I walked away.

There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own Soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. ~Carl Jung

Making the darkness conscious~

How do we do this when our response to darkness/pain/the scary, the grotesque, the ugly, is in our way? First, we need to know how we respond.

  • Drama/victim response: Are we aware of our pain, but use it for drama? To get sympathy from others? Often to get through our dark spaces, we must completely immerse with them, but we do this to understand, and ultimately free ourselves. If we aren’t learning from our pain, and making connections, and find our self continuously seeking more pain or not moving through it, we may have an agenda for drama more than for freedom.
  • Regret of what I might see: Alyssa has big eyes, and I tell her she can see whatever comes to her. But, as I have shared she is afraid in case she regrets what she might see. Why might we regret seeing something? For fear we cant’ handle it? For fear of how it might change us? For fear of it making us feel? She shared when she was little how sensitive she was…maybe we are afraid to be vulnerable again?
  • Rational responseIt’s a dog. I asked my husband why someone would do this- his answer: not everyone feels the same way about their pets. This is so true- such a rational response. But rational can be a safe place to stay. Rational means hey, it is what it is and that’s all that it is. But there is always more.
  • Timid response: We might feel so afraid, so timid we may not even go to the darkness. We may hide for as long as we can, playing it safe, but not really living and surely not growing.
  • Imagining figures of light: I don’t know exactly what Jung intended with this. I interpret it pretty much how I interpret the new age movement- it came around to remind us we are made of more than sin- that we are light, love, GOD, but then it continues to encourage us to stay in the light. In fact, one of these teachers who I just read today, said “Constantly be in a state of kindness…stay in the incredible state of love, joy, peace…come from a complete state of loving everything and everyone…” Wow. That sounds like a lot of pressure to me. Are we really ready and prepared for this constant state of joy, kindness, loving everyone and everything? I would say, we have more darkness to make conscious, unless of course we are in a constant state of grace, but I know no one like this. (But, I can go off on this tangent forever, so…..)
Okay, now that I have some insight into how I respond to pain/darkness, now what?  

I’m reading a spiritual memoir. She writes: “What would happen if I opened myself….into the depths…? I wanted to climb all the way inside the questions and see what is there.”

This is curiosity- the next step. This kind of desire she writes about is what moves us deeper- to climb all the way inside and see what is there. The desire must be more than the fear. More than what we fear we might find. More than those safe places we stay in that I shared above. We must be curious enough to move beyond our typical responses to what calls us to look.

As I looked at the grotesque image in the box, my curiosity far exceeded the feelings of what this image brought up. It was only because of the obvious of germs that I did not go further.

My husband said I could have gotten a stick. Believe it or not, I almost did- and if we want to go deeper, there must be some preparedness before we do. Tools. Insights. Wisdom, all which come from going deeper.

And you? When will you begin the long journey into yourself? ~Rumi 

How curious are you? Does your curiosity exceed your fear, and in what areas? Do you really want to crawl deep inside, poke around, ask questions, open your eyes and see?

How do you respond to stories you hear about the “misfortune” of others? How do you respond to opportunities in which you are unsure, that you have no context for? The answers provide clues of how ready you are and where you are on your journey.

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter