Summer (Spiritual) Reading

A month. An entire month I have not written a post. Since beginning a blog I don’t believe I’ve gone an entire month without publishing a post.

And honestly, I feel lost. So much has happened this month, and so much has not. I don’t know what to write about. It feels like I’ve lost my voice and my message. Yet, I want to write. I want to connect again.

The first thought I have: share what books I have read this month.

First up: I finished reading, The Necessity of Empty Places. I bought the book because I liked the title, but it was not what I had expected. And it surely could not feel the spot, Cheryl Strayed had filled as I devoured her memoir, Wild. I still miss walking with her on the PCT.

Than, I read Spiritual Marketing by Joe Vitale. It’s a “new age” book for sure, filled with everything us seekers want to hear. Get clear about what we want, feel it, and let go and all of our desires shall be ours. And, apparently for Joe, instantaneously.

Although, I am not a fan of most new age teachings, I did reconnect to what I have lost in these years of tough times. I lost feeling good about life. About myself. In a word given to me by my father, I had become despondent.

What new age teachings miss is the old age and timeless teachings- teachings, which make us think. Lead us to remembrance of our divinity, and give us deep and wide philosophy and perspective, instead of a “5-step formula for easily creating wealth from the inside out.”

Which is why after I read, Spiritual Marketing, a book I had already read almost flew off the shelf and said, read me again. Theosophy: The Path of the Mystic by Katherine Tingley.

Have you had the experience of reading a book, and you swear the writer is speaking directly to you? I’ve had this experience twice. Once with Melody Beattie’s book, Codependent No More and now this book.

Although I read it before, she spoke to me beyond my despondency and reminded me of my highest value- SPIRIT. “For man cannot find his true place in the great scheme of human life until he has ennobled and enriched his nature with the consciousness of his divinity.” (Katherine Tingley)

I had lost my true place. This was why I was despondent. Why I could not pick up the pen and write- and bear with me, as I am still wobbly and feel like a kindergartener just learning how to write.

I realized after reading The Path of the Mystic, that I am beginning again. After a long stretch of trials and tribulations, I turn a corner and feel as though I know nothing. As though I lost all knowledge that I gained during those trials, and here I am beginning again. I see how far I have yet to go on my spiritual path.

But this does not make me despondent. This makes me humble, and a wee-bit proud I am able to attempt to get back on the path again and walk. And write even though I feel quite dumb and like a beginner. In time I will get my footing again. And so this is where I am now.

I have finished Katherine’s book. I am now reading, Bhagavad-Gita combined with Essays on the Gita by William Q Judge. What are you reading this summer?

I shall be back soon- and my hope is for this blog to be revived into a purposeful and useful spot for those souls who seek remembrance of their divinity, and to provide support and insight along the way.

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter

Do You Know Fear?

Today’s Soul Report: Fear

Fear. Perhaps as great a mystery as love. As God.

A man approaches me, and asks me for a ride. Fear. A stray dog in the path I walk. Fear. Too much caffeine. Fear. Out of the blue. Fear. My only remedy: get present.

Notice the white butterfly on the path. In the dead of night when fear grips. Feel the cool sheets under my hand. Get present.

If you can control fear, you either dont know it or are an enlightened master. In my fear the sound of a small lizard in the grass sounds like a mountain lion waiting to prance. A man walking could be a rapist.

Do you know fear?

The water feels like a friend. I walk beside it. As I walk, I open up more fear. As I walk, it releases. As I walk, I open up more spirit. As I walk, it releases.

Whatever is your mystery, Fear, you’re a viable opponent.

***Words, which surfaced and photos I snapped during my walk today.

Nikki

Is It Time to Live Deeper?

The only useful purpose is to turn within and realize. There is nothing else to do. ~Ramana Maharishi

Now Available: SOUL Exploration & Investigation Sessions~

There are so many voices, pulling us here and there. Some come from society’s standards; from our upbringing; current lifestyles begging for our attention. But, the deepest and truest voice comes from inside the soul.

The soul is a deep and expansive space, a space often neglected in our lives of living in many directions. If you desire more clarity, freedom and unification; if you are curious about yourself and you seek something more; if you have been traveling the path of self-knowledge for some time and feel you’ve plateaued- our sessions together will open the door wherever you are on your journey, so that you may live deeper and find more inner stability, wisdom and flexibility.

The life which is unexamined is not worth living. ~Plato

I consciously began my journey of self-knowledge more than 20 years ago, and bring the spiritual perspectives, insights and experiences I have gained along the way to help interpret, intuit, guide and facilitate our sessions.

And you, when will you begin the journey into yourself? ~Rumi

Sessions are held by phone or Internet (Skype, chat, email).
Time slots available are: Monday-Thursday 11:00am, noon, & 1pm or 7:00pm & 8:00pm PST
To schedule an initial (free) meeting, fill out the contact form below with your desired time slot in the comment section.

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Are you Bored? Is it Time to Walk a New Path?

Today’s Soul Report: Enthusiasm

Everyday, subscribers receive in their inbox, a Daily Soul Glimpse: a nudge from my soul to yours to help inspire self-inquiry and relationship with your soul. Below is what they received today:

Yesterday, I was bored with the book I am writing. So bored, I left the desk, picked up The Hobbit that I had been reading, sat in the sun and read. I hadn’t been able to get into the adventure of Bilbo and his friends. But, yesterday when I sat in the sun I was like a kid- giddy with excitement.

Bilbo and his friends had just outsmarted the dragon, and they were inside his lair, where all the riches were. Soon, the little Hobbit would be going home, a place he dreamed about being during his entire adventure.

Still not wanting to go back to my writing work, I took a walk. I walked the usual path- down the boulevard near our home, then back around. Seemed a bit stale and boring this time, just like my writing and I wanted, if nothing else, for my walk to last longer.

I imagined another way I could go to get home- a way I hadn’t been before, but knew the road well enough that it curved up and would lead back to the boulevard. But, just as the road began to curve up, I looked to the left and saw a gravel path. I knew the river was near.

But, that didn’t entice me as a river here in Los Angeles is is not the Mighty Mississippi of my childhood. Instead it is a man-built, concrete tube where sometimes water flows, and most times it doesn’t. I took this path anyway.

It moved right along with the golf course and the “river,” which of course was dry. But there were trees and quiet- and it was new. At every bend or hill, I’d tell myself I would turn around and go home. But, my curiosity won at every bend and down every hill. Soon, I was hearing traffic noise again, and was under the great overpass of a busy highway. The enormity of its pillars and the concrete above me made me feel small and vulnerable, and honestly so was this path.

I did not know where it led. I was alone, and at one point I saw what I thought was a loose dog, a Doberman no less, and my heart stopped. Thankfully, his owner appeared. “He’s chasing rabbits,” he told me.

Continuing to walk, following my curiosity the path led to many paths. One seemed to go around in a circle, although I did not venture it to see. And another led over a little bridge where water actually ran under it. Further, a bubbling creek adorned with river rock. The kind one could step on to get to the other side. It was getting dark, though and I would be calling my adventure over- until next time when I would go farther. Perhaps over that river rock.

We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life when all that we need to be really happy is something to be enthusiastic about. ~ Charles Kingsley

On my return home, I found I was no longer bored. I was enthused. Although I did not meet a dragon like Bilbo, only a doberman with an owner, I felt I had gone on an adventure. I thought about my curiosity, and how it has been my courageous friend in many of my walking endeavors. It is one of the areas in my life where I may be afraid to travel new ground, but still I continue. I am also this way inside my soul. Curious to know what else is in there….But, my writing and work in the world, I tend toward timid.

As I said, I was bored with my work, and left it. I thought about how I found that new path. It began by walking the same old one, and then wanting to walk a little further. To be this way in my work, as I am in my soul and on my walks then, is what I’m after. To keep going and be curious of new ways to see. New ways to express. New. New. New.

Curiosity saves us from boredom. And the more detached we are in that area of our life, the more curious we will be. Curiosity will always bring us somewhere new. Give us new insights. New ways of seeing. And when this happens, we find we are enthused.

Just like that quote above- money and fame, even the riches in a dragon’s lair won’t bring the happiness that a new adventure can. That a life of doing work, which fulfills us can- that a life lived with enthusiasm can. This is what I believe we are all seeking.

Self-Inquiry:

What area in your life feels dull and uninteresting? It might be that it is an area where we need to pay less attention, but it also may be an area where we only need to bring new eyes to. In what areas are you more adventurous and curious? Do you find these areas bring more joy into your life? How might you travel a new path? How might you be more daring? Be curious, and notice when you are enthused and when you are not.

To subscribe to Soul Glimpses, click here.

Connect Before You Cannot

Today’s Soul Report: Reaching Out

I can’t do this alone anymore. These words poured out from me as I walked up a hill by my house. I’m begging to be helped. 

Prior to these words pouring out, I sent a text to my mom. I told her everything that was happening to me. I reached out to her.

This was no easy task. I remember before we left for California, lying in a bed next to my mom. “Mom, I don’t feel comfortable around you.” She didn’t know how to take it, but this was the most honest I’d been with her. I did not, and probably have never felt comforatable around my mother.

In a previous post, I shared a dream I had about my mother. We were in a car, and I was trying to engage her in the beauty surrounding us, but she wasn’t paying attention. I then, tried to warn her of a car that she was about to hit- again she was not paying attention.

My primal relationship is with my mother- as is most of ours. And I’m guessing, from utero to present day, I did not sense a connection to my mother. This disconnect, I am finding has defined most, if not all of my relationships, and the fact that I’ve not had many relationships, especially with girl friends.

As I continued to walk up that hill, over and over again, tears began to pour out too, along with those words: I can’t do this alone anymore. A heaviness in my chest became obvious, and it was almost as though I were exorcising some major entity that had taken up a lot of space in my being.

This entity had a story. It is the ‘I don’t need anyone’ story. The ‘I can and have done it alone, and this is good because, hey, knowing how to be alone and only count on me is a good thing’ story. The story has been with me so long, I did not even know there was much else but this story. I thought the story was Truth.

But this day, where I released that heaviness, where I reached out to my mom, where I declared I can’t do it alone anymore, allowed enough space where I could hear this story. It was like I heard it for the first time, even though it had been playing for many, many years. I saw it, and at once abandoned it. I said to it, yes, but this is not helpful to me anymore. I want to see all the people who are there now. I want to reach out. And I thank you for keeping me safe all these years.

That day happened a few weeks ago now. Interestingly, I’ve reached out several times since. To a relative, who it turns out shares similar issues. We talked and shared and laughed, and it was good. I’ve reached out to a publisher about a book idea, and she wants to see more. I’ve made myself more available to my family, and my mother recently sent this text, which for me says everything:  I want to connect before I cannot.

You see, it wasn’t necessarily I was alone. We are never alone anyway. It’s impossible. From the very beginning we needed someone to get here. We can’t brush our teeth without the one who invented the toothbrush. We are never, ever alone and do absolutely nothing alone, although this is a HUGE story so many of us tell.

For a while, perhaps a long while, this story comforts us. We like to hide and feel isolated. We get to be right when we tell ourselves no one is there for us, and then no one is. I shared in a recent post, how I tested people. I wanted to see, are you there? And guess what, most failed, but I was right. But, really in our pain and power of being right, what we really want is to connect, as my mom says.

In her case, she is going to be 70 this year. Finally, all of those dramas and issues she had while I was a kid, where she couldn’t connect to the beauty or the pain, no longer matters as much. Now she wants to connect before she cannot.

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter

Clipping Ourselves Bare

Today I am sharing another Soul Glimpse. Each day, subscribers receive posts such as this, in their inbox. If you would like to receive a daily nudge to inspire deeper living, click here, and subscribe: Daily Soul Glimpse.

I once lived by an avid gardener.

One year, I watched as she clipped her lilac bush down to almost a bare nub. Why would she do this, I wondered?

Well, if you are a gardener, you might know. The next house, I moved, there was a lilac bush. I was thrilled because when I was a little girl, I had one in my backyard, and it is one of my favorite scents.

When I was older, my mother and I would find an area in the spring, where we felt we were stealing, as we cut the blooms and took them home. But, the lilac bush I now had, and could pick from freely, was quite barren. Maybe a few flowers here and there.

I remembered my gardening neighbor, and her advice to invite an abundance of bloom, but I never had the courage to cut off what little bit of lilac I had, and so each year as I hoped for more, I still only received a few.

Where I live now there is a row of what might be lilac trees (or whatever is native to California). Last fall, they clipped the tree branches bare. Again, why would they do this? I bet those beautiful flowers won’t come back, I worried.

Today, I walked by that row of trees, and as you see in the picture above, there are sprouts of green.

Oh, the faith of the gardener. And oh, the promise of nature.

Today, I did a bit of clipping myself- wardrobe clipping that is. I got rid of some clothes that either no longer fit or I no longer felt pretty in. I did this knowing, I’ve little money to replace them just yet. I clipped my wardrobe almost bare anyway, just like those trees. And the lilac bushes.

Do we have the courage to clip ourselves bare? To take our lives, ourselves to a place where it looks as though we might not ever return? Are we willing to remove what we know to be sprouts of beautiful potential, and have faith and knowing, when the time is just right, blossoming will begin again?

Perhaps this is not necessary for all of us, but I have found in my own life, it is the only way to experience the great promise of abundance yet again.

To Subscribe to Your Daily Soul Glimpse fill out the form below:

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter

Sacred Spaces

The feedback from subscribers of Daily Soul Glimpse is positive:

  • I am really enjoying them. They have a really good, chilled-out vibe even though they also raise profound questions.
  • I appreciate your spirit and the power within yourself to share and guide others to live a complete life. 
  • Enjoying your daily inspirations- loved the one on reconnecting with nature!

I’d love if you, too, signed up for Soul Glimpse, and begin receiving your daily nudge from my soul to yours. Here is a glimpse of what they received today:
Many of the glimpses you receive from me happen as I walk. Today, I stopped instantly in a space below a California oak tree near four stones. The space felt sacred.

By being open and listening, no matter where we are, we begin to feel the nudge to halt our steps and reunite within a sacred space.

There is something inside me, which feels sacred too. It is my essence, and like a sweet scent, it is becoming stronger. It’s getting closer- and I recapture Her in moments.

In the moment I sensed the sacred space below the California oak, and the moments I recapture my essence- my being is lighter and more open. In this way, I listen and hear the sacred nudge me.

It would seem, then, there is great benefit to being light and open so to capture the sacred. Often, all it takes to do so is to state a clear intention, especially when we value an outcome from our intention. Ex: When I am light and open, I can more easily sense the sacred within me and around me, and this matters to me. 

What matters to you? What do you value? What might you intend in order to (re)capture what matters? 

I might suggest you keep a journal of what you receive in ways of words, images, experiences.

If you would like to receive a Soul Glimpse in your inbox everyday, fill out the form below:

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter

Same Cloud

Today’s Soul Report: Light & Dark

Same cloud. Varying light. Same Source.

It’s difficult to say the gray cloud is worse or uglier, knowing it’s the same. When I took these pictures, I realized the cloud was like me. Many days of gray l’ve had this week. Today more light is turning my perspective more bright.

When we go into a dark space, we don’t really hate our lives or ourselves. We just hate how in varying moments, we see our lives and ourselves.

Varying light. The light moves. Our consciousness wavers. From bright to gray to bright again.

When I was new and young to the wake-up journey (what I call the road I am on as I become more awake, expand my consciousness, unfold my evolution), I quickly came to know the dark spots- those gray masses of funk, eventually break away toward more light. More life. It is part of the journey. I used to know this. I trusted this. But at times the dark got so dark and lasted so long, I got caught up in it, and I forgot. Now I know this again.

What hurts you, blesses you.
Darkness is your candle.
-Rumi

Let’s honor both dark and light, and remember the source is always the light- it just varies. Changes. Goes away. Comes back. Or so it seems. It’s part of the wake-up journey.

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter