This Week’s Self-Reflective Practice: Seeking Validation Part II

Validation: “recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile”

Two weeks ago I gave general and personal examples of validation seeking, and explored potential roots of this need for validation

This week I’d like to start by sharing a poem I wrote while in the midst of some buried trauma and pain around validation seeking.

Photo by Chinh Le Duc on Unsplash

I wonder if this is how children feel…

Who is listening? And who is there to talk to? 

Who is there that isn’t too drunk? Too high? Too distracted? Too wounded? Too insane? Too selfish? 

This deprivation turns to desperation. And then to rage. 

Who is listening? Who is there to talk to? Who has space for me? 

We are all in the same boat. Violently rocking. Or barely hanging on. Or with a stiff drink in our own hand thinking: this is the life. 

But is it? 

Do I need you to see me to know I exist? To know my experience matters? Do I need you to hold my space?

Where am I in this? Can I do it without you? 

Is it too much to ask a wounded mother and father to do this? 

Is it appropriate for that same wounded mother or father to ask their child to do this?

Who is listening? Who is there to talk to? 

This poem could go further. I thought it might. But, turns out I had to live it through a little deeper in my own life in order to finish this piece on validation.

What I now understand is that poem is from the old story. Old does not make in now invalid. Instead this story is valuable, essential and leads me to where I am now where it is old enough to gain perspective and understanding in order to let it go and make room for a new story. 

I cannot proclaim to know all the pieces of the new story yet. The new story is unfolding. But here are some pieces that I have gathered so far….

Piece One, The Repair Journey: On my walk this afternoon, I listened to a Super Soul podcast of Elizabeth Lesser. She spoke about her book, Marrow: A Love Story and the work she and her sister did together to repair their relationship. She posed the question: Who do we need to clean up space with so we can truly connect? Who have we hurt? And, then ask and listen. 

We hurt people in many ways, often stemming from our wounds of neglect and trauma. One of the ways we hurt people is by expecting them to meet our needs and to validate us.

Piece Two, The Spirit & Soul Journey: Maya Angelou said, beware of the naked man who gives you his shirt. She also said she doesn’t trust anyone that says I love you when they don’t love themselves. I remember my mother telling me to look in the mirror and say: I love myself. And, my mother didn’t, and doesn’t love herself. It has been a strained relationship, but in many ways I took her words to heart. It framed a life, my life. I have been on the self-love journey this entire time. 

Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

Self-Reflective Action

To begin Repair: As we step into our reflective practice on seeking validation, let’s be curious about which relationships in our lives need some tidying up. Who can we do some repair work with? Who have we hurt, and then ask and listen, defenses down. Also, consider is this person safe, willing and ready to begin the process. There are some people who, at this time, are far too wounded and therefore will be too defensive to clear space with.

To begin the Conscious Spirit & Soul Journey: Consider that you are on a self-love journey, no matter how low or how badly you feel about yourself. Do you believe this to be true? Then, where do you think you are on this journey? Are you the kind of person who is naked, but giving your shirt away? Or do you have so many shirts and won’t consider sharing one? Either behavior shows there is an imbalance within the relationship with yourself. What if you looked in the mirror and said: I love myself? Notice what you feel. What you think. Do you believe it?

Photo by Joanna Nix on Unsplash

Which brings me to the next piece…..

The New Story

This weekend, while journaling, I understood that a new rhythm unfolds inside of me. The Voice Inside says to me gently: let it happen. No need to figure it out, alter it, halt it. Let it occur. 

This new rhythm is of my own making. I no longer beat to the drum of my old childhood wounds and buried trauma. There is a new sound coming forth. 

Here is the poem of this new sound: 

There is a new rhythm coming forth. 

It is of my own making. 

Why would I do anything to disrupt and disturb it. 

It is coming together to create a new dance in all of my relationships. In the relationship with myself.

It comes with a trust toward my eternal and steadfast vision of the person I want to be, the person I know I am. 

It is not a head path or the old wounded way.

It is a soul path, a heart path. 

And it is unfolding, and I am watching, noticing and gratefully looking forward to what is transpiring. 

In this new rhythm I begin to understand I am fully nourished by Spirit, by my Soul’s Journey. My my very own Self.

As always, I am here to help you investigate this topic because sometimes it’s a lot to do this on our own. If you have questions about this week’s practice or have insights to share, please contact me. For deeper, more concentrated work, I am available for tele-therapy.

To learn more about me and my services, click here. To reach me for questions or to share, click here or email me at thesoulreporter@gmail.com 

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Next week’s Self-Reflective Post will be about eating and noticing our thoughts around it. 

~The Soul Reporter

Know the Soul ~ Know Thyself

Yesterday morning I stayed in bed until 1pm. I wasn’t in a state of rumination. I wasn’t in a state of worry. Mostly, I just was. Inside of me there was lots of space.

This wasn’t always the case. I was filled up with worry, anxiety, unprocessed traumas, emotions and experiences. The space I experience now is still somewhat foreign, sometimes bordering on what seems like boredom–– but, I welcome it. Truly, I earned it.

For nearly 30 years I have been consciously doing what I now call Soul Work. It’s a lot of internal digging and discovery. It takes curiosity, presence and commitment. It caused many dark nights of the soul and countless internal shifts. This has brought me a life of continuous growth and change.

Today, with the new moon, I am launching my new business. The vision of this venture is to provide a space for growth and transformation through soul work. In doing so, I would work as guide/coach.

I am also a licensed social worker, working toward my clinical license. Through my education and work experience I have gained skills in assessing and knowledge of interventions and theories. 

These two elements have aligned with my strong desire to be a helper in the areas of self-discovery and growth. Not much matters to me more than this because when we know our selves, we know everything. Further, in knowing ourselves, we push our human evolution as a whole, forward. In light of the times, THIS IS NEEDED. 

Knowing ourselves is a process. The help I offer is not gimmicky or for most of us, quick. If this is something of interest to you, if you find yourself in a consistent state of anxiety, worry and overwhelm, perhaps it is time to tip- toe toward the soul and find what’s there.

Go to this link to learn more. After looking, if you have questions, please let me know. This will help me clarify my service for people. After looking, if you are interested, fill out the form or send me an email and we can begin.

~The Soul Reporter

Stop Trying to be Grateful.

Source: flickr.com via Pete on Pinterest

The other day I made a list. The idea to do so arrived spontaneously.

I will write down everything I am unsure about—all of the issues and questions, currently outstanding, which remain, for now, in the mystery. 

 

As I made the list, I was amazed at how many unanswered questions I have about my life. I would imagine I am not alone here. But, I did wonder how many had some of the questions I had, especially in mid-life? Will I have a home again—and when and where? Will I have friends? Will my children recover from our accident? Will I find work? Will I finally be able to sit down and write my books? This barely begins the list.

As I finished, many pages later, questions and unknowns still loomed upon the rolling hills in my mind. But now, there was space between all of it and me. In this space, a glimpse of compassion for myself arose. I could see why my brain feels fried and fuzzy. Why I am carrying myself a bit too tightly. Why I just might not be fully myself. Why my creative life suffers.

I posted my experience, briefly, online. Why not try it for yourself, I said, and write down the unknowns, which are probably, continuously, swimming around in your mind. Someone commented: “How about putting the energy instead into all the things that are good in your life?”

I was offended….Continue reading here. 

3 Reasons to Explore the Soul

There is a quiet, which happens when the end of something comes. The first time I felt this is when my dog, Charlie died.

He had been struggling for months. Collapsing frequently because of a heart condition. I begged that he go peacefully, and under the moon on our concrete patio, he took his last breath. Quiet. He was gone. Just like that.

The next time I felt this quiet was around this time last year. I wrote: I know something is coming to an end. On the outside, it may not seem so. But, inside I feel it, and today I declare it. It’s over.

I went on to say: Unlike Bush’s “Mission Accomplished” banner for a war that was truly beginning instead of being over, this declaration is more a process, like Spring turning into Summer. 

Little did I know, my war was just beginning- and it would be a process.

The soul is an interesting space. I was told by someone last week that it is not a mine, and therefore we should not dig around in it. “We should leave it be,” he said.

I do not agree. Here is why:

  • I would say the soul is the only space worth exploring.
  • There is nothing in there to change, only to discover and understand and with understanding we do change, and become more ourselves.
  • To explore in this space is like finding we have our very own built-in GPS,  filled with all the resources we need to live our life as consciously as possible.

What are your thoughts about the soul? Is it a space worth discovering? Or should we just leave it alone? Can you relate to what I said about the quiet, which happens when something is ending?

Leave a comment or fill out the form below.

Also, if you are interested in exploring your soul further, fill out the form and check “yes, I’d like to schedule my free session.” For more information about the session, click here.

 

Stand in the Truth of Who You Are

From February 2008. 

It is as if I built a beautiful house brick by brick-

from the foundation to its steeple roof-

and then stood outside of it afraid to go in.

For years I’ve done nothing but Soul Work– and then I walked away (or so it seems)- afraid and embarrassed to stand in my own essence that I worked so hard to uncover.
Instead of standing, I have wandered within the chaos and untruths, wondering what is wrong.
I realize I am standing in the wrong place.
It is time to stand where I belong.
Where do you stand? Where do you belong?

10 Reasons to Know the Soul

Hi. So I’ve been writing about the Soul- mostly my own, for about 7 years on this blog: The Soul Reporter.

Based on how slow my following has happened, I might assume The Soul is not a popular or trendy topic. But, it is what I know, and desire to know more of. And “they” say do what you love, what you know. So, here I am writing about the soul.

And here I am offering a service as well…Your own Soul Report. 

What in the heck is a Soul Report…? 

Inside of us is the soul, and I see it a storehouse of spiritual/universal/personal lessons, which help us grow and expand, and where we can meet who we are. Think of it like a map. 

Therefore, I am offering investigative, soul-searching sessions where we will work one-on-one via phone, email and/or Skype, to dig into this storehouse, and find your map.

But, why on earth is this soul-searching work important? Here are some reasons why:

  • To begin healing old wounds, and the emotions and thought structures within them.
  • To become more compassionate because once we know more about ourselves, we will understand others. We need more of this.
  • To realize more freedom- within self, life and relationships.
  • To development the spiritual attributes of courage, patience and wisdom.
  • To begin the journey from the head to the heart.
  • To receive a higher/deeper perspectives, which will allow us not to get stuck as often or as long when we face difficult and challenging experiences.
  • To be better spouses, friends, children, parents, people.
  • To live without agenda. Be one of the few who actually are not bothered by insecurities,which often distract from our growth, and hurt others.
  • To become your best friend. To hear your Voice. And know your Truth.
  • To have more moments of expanded peace & pleasantness & to feel we are conquering & surrendering to the only space worth conquering & surrendering- ourselves.

I hope these reasons make you want to take the next step. If so, fill out the form below. The first session is free, so there is nothing to lose. And here, let me tell you a secret, and maybe it’s inappropriate, but it comes from my heart and soul: this IS the work I want to do with people- and I know it’s the the best work we will ever do.

For more information, click here.  To begin the process of receiving your Soul Report, fill out the form:

To Purchase Session(s), click here for the rate of $75/hour. Too much? Let’s talk. 

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter

Soul Glimpse: Soul Work

This poem, Join is the essence of Soul Work: the inner work we all have the opporuntunity to do right now while we are here.

The best course is your own soul. Therein lies all the wisdom you will ever need.

The soul is a space where, as some travel within it, may wish to have guidance. While others are curious, but may need some preparation to dive in. I provide both. If you are interested in learning more and having a free session to initiate the journey, click here.

Otherwise, this site is here to provide insights and resources for the best, and most difficult work we will ever do. To stay updated with other courses and resources, sign up for the newsletter, Join here. Or just fill out the form below.

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter