The Helpers

Who are the helpers in your life right now?

These are the obvious people and the not so obvious. They are the ones who give you medicine or herbs when you’re off balance and the ones who cut your hair. They are the ones who provide you a place to sleep or food to share. Helpers are everywhere. And, we are all helpers.

My present helpers

The helpers coming into my life right now are what I’ll call energy companions. They have shown up after a good twenty-seven years of countless dark nights of the soul. They arrive to restore my soul, replenish my mind and body, and repair what has been unhealthy relationship dynamics. I’m so excited about these helpers that I am going to list a few of them:

Energy Worker Ed: I met with Ed in December 2018 after an intense time that began in mid-October. After our session, I was grounded and my aura was attached again. Although this may sound woo-woo to some, it has made a tremendous impact. Irregular behavioral and thought patterns, along with codependent relationship dynamics, ones I’ve been struggling with for many years, have totally untangled. There is now space within myself where I experience discernment and wisdom. Also, I am more attuned to energy that I pick up from people and environment. Plus, my intution is coming back after being buried in internal conflict and stress.

Social Work Supervisor & Friend: Had it not been for this special person in my life, I would not have met Ed or read this book (which I highly recommend as it sheds light on our deep, unconscious patterns): Astrology for the Soul. Not only has she been a light toward much needed resources on my reparative journey, she has provided an experience of relational repair. In my past I’ve had dissatisfying friendships and a lack of a supportive people. She calls herself my cheerleader, and I feel it and grow to accept this from her more and more everyday.

Caitlin: She is the new stylist I found, recommended to me by my mother-in-law (if you’d like to read my interview with my mother-in-law, who is a style expert and consultant, click on this link). Between hormonal changes, stress, and who knows what environmental toxins, my hair has been beaten up. I once had a head full of healthy, vibrant curls. Now, in my mid-40’s it hardly curls at all. But Caitlin is here to help me repair the hair. Accordingly, she says she has been meeting more and more women that are having the same concerns. She not only takes her time with a cut, she educates and is another cheerleader— but one encouraging another round of vibrant hair. Not to mention, the products she recommends: fabulous, and pricey, but pure magic.

Graduation 1990
Before haircut w/ Caitlin
After

My job and co-workers: Now out of grad school, and no longer a social work temp, I’ve a permanent position as a school social worker. This job is unique and offers a kind of flexibility and space I’ve not had before. The needs are great among students, and because of its structure, there are opportunities to create student curriculum, groups and psychoeducation topics. The environment is nearly stress free and the staff are friendly, supportive and fun. It’s a gift.

And, tomorrow I meet with an Ayruvedic practitioner whom I trust will provide me with even more pathways toward restoration and re-balance. M

Prior to these companions were energy vampires. These people are helpers, but that is not their intention. These people are often the most wounded and lost among us and need the energy of others to feel whole and secure.

In our current “live your best life” phenomenon, we are told by “the experts” to remove these toxic people from our lives. To some extent, I do agree. However, they have a lot to teach us. They teach us how to set boundaries. They encourage us to dig deeper within ourselves and ask: what in me has attracted this person right now?

In this new year, I sense more integration and unity and less compartmentalizing and separating. I hope for more clarity and thoughtfulness, and a slowing down of what has become a high paced and distracting reaction for many of us. For example, if we want to rid ourselves of a person, place or thing- before we toss what does not bring joy, let us slow down and check-in: have we learned what we need to learn?Have we allowed this person/place/thing to make us a wiser person?

We often rush to our joy, but we miss the process that will actually and eventually bring us to it.

Before I close, since I’ve mentioned energy- we are energy beings. We are more than flesh, blood and bone. We are more than our thoughts. In order to fully grow, evolve and change we have to move beyond our thoughts. To think (intellectualize) through change is not enough. I have learned we must also feel our way to change, and then move into our energy body where energetic shifts (you know like being grounded and having your aura attached ;)) occur. These many layers, which make us a human being, must all be integrated for true change to occur. And gratefully, look at all our helpers!

Namaste, The Soul Reporter

I’m Mad, I Tell You- Mad.

At any point in my evolution I could have stopped and made a name for myself. Marketed an insight or a practice that worked in a moment, and made lots of money and acquired fame. But I have not done this (I have wished I could do this). I have kept on moving. I suppose in doing so, I have missed many opportunities, but the one I have not missed is the continuos evolution of my soul on this planet.

It occurs to me often, that before coming here, although I have no conscious remembrance of this, I declared my commitment to this soul path of continuous participation in my evolution, and yet I have tried to stop my own progress. I have tried because I also feel the vibration on the planet. A vibration of consistency I thought I needed to obey.

Consistency: conformity in the application of something, typically that which is necessary for the sake of logic, accuracy, or fairness • the achievement of a level of performance that does not vary greatly in quality over time

Our culture likes consistency. Let’s not vary. We view this as stable. Smart. Accurate. Right. Successful. Someone who is not consistent, we call them a flip-flopper. Crazy. Irrational. Undependable. Untrustworthy. Weird. But, I like what Rumi has to say:

Conventional knowledge is death to our souls, And it is not really ours.  It is laid on. Yet we keep saying we find “rest” in these “beliefs.” We must become ignorant of what we have been taught and instead bewildered.

But we look dumb, don’t we if we are bewildered (definition: perplexed- confused)? We need to have a plan. An outcome. We have to figure it out. Look smart. Productive. Look like we have it together. Of course we do. And why? Because we want something to rest on. To put our wobbly legs on so we feel as though we have some control. Because we care what “they” think.

Tell me Rumi, what’s another option:

Forget safety. Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.
I have tried prudent planning long enough.
From now on, I’ll be mad.

I’m pretty sure he means crazy mad, not angry mad, but hey if you fear anger, you might want to move into it. Chances are its got you anyway.

Every moment says, put this design in your carpet. (Rumi)

And we try, don’t we? Oh, this is a beautiful design– and we market it and make rituals of it and books out of it. We want to make it last. But many designs are to be made. We have a large piece of carpet. Larger than most of us can begin to imagine. I am not saying we should not make manifest what in a moment is a beautiful design, but there is plenty more, so no need to hold on and try and stay.

Everything is energy. We are energy, and because we don’t Know this basic idea, we believe everything is solid and we think what is solid and consistent is what is real and better. We constantly take what is given and solidify it. Concrete it in. Make it last. But, this is at the risk of holding our continuous evolution at bay.

I have done this with myself trying to be normal. Trying to make a living off of what I learned, and look like all the other successful writers, coaches, teachers, gurus out there. And trying to subdue all of the activity and anxiety I have going on inside of me. So many energies contradicting themselves. I try to reign it all in- for the sake of my husband, who says I am always changing, for the sake of others and their judgment, and for the sake of myself who has felt overwhelmed by all that is going on inside of me.

But the overwhelm is only felt because I have tried to control all of this. I have tried to be consistent.

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)  ~Walt Whitman

Speak what you think now in hard words, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said today.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson

These greats, with these words allowed the flow, the continuous rhythm, the force which has us grow and evolve. And yet, with these words we also see the conflict. Just the mere fact they wrote this and that I am writing this, shows there is conflict- like, is this okay to be inconsistent? To be seen as contradictory? We question because many of us were not, and feel we are not allowed to be ALL of who we are. There are limits, right?

NO. There are not. A large carpet, remember? Many designs, don’t forget. All here for us.

Through my writing and sharing, and continuous evolution, I am coming into my rhythm. It’s dynamic. Not one-sided. Certainly not consistent, but there is a Core of Consistency, which spins inside of me- a Truth. Or a Power. Or an Intelligence. Something I don’t have to name, but can just feel, sense, Know- and because It is there, I can be free to roam. To wander. To allow all that is me the freedom to flow, continuously.