Tag Archives: Daily Soul Report

Am I This Far Off….?

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Am I this far off balance that I cannot hear the Voice of my Soul? That I cannot quit what is taking from me? That I cannot smile? That people avoid me? That I am not sure I like anyone or care about anything? Am I so off balance that I cannot give to anyone, especially those who I can feel trying to pull energy from me (this, however is the best thing that has come out of this experience)? Am I so off balance that it is finally showing on my face and my daughter says last night, “Mom, you look like a zombie—you look dead inside.”

I must fight for what’s alive inside.

But, am I so off balance that I don’t have the capacity to fight? Women, mostly, speak of having balance. There’s no such thing as balance when her plate is too full, and overflowing. She must toss some things off her plate. This is what I must do—sooner, rather than later or life will do it for me.

I need a permanent solution because when I create some space I do find my Soul again, and she speaks. But then I return to what takes her away. I know taking off work today is only a small, round band-aid for the gaping, empty wound inside.

The culture I live in appreciates my burn out. It’s all a part of my success, it says. I say, fuck the culture. If I am to get any kind of outer success I don’t want it like this. I need to feel alive and whole again. This, to me, is the only success worth having. There was a time when it was my Soul and my children that received all my attention. Yet, I felt incomplete. I had no career. I wasn’t saving the world. No I try to do this while trying to take care of my children and myself. It has taken its toll.

So, what do I do now….? I do not know. I am so off balance I do not know I care. At least this is how I feel now.

The Soul Reporter

Do You Know Fear?

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Today’s Soul Report: Fear

Fear. Perhaps as great a mystery as love. As God.

A man approaches me, and asks me for a ride. Fear. A stray dog in the path I walk. Fear. Too much caffeine. Fear. Out of the blue. Fear. My only remedy: get present.

Notice the white butterfly on the path. In the dead of night when fear grips. Feel the cool sheets under my hand. Get present.

If you can control fear, you either dont know it or are an enlightened master. In my fear the sound of a small lizard in the grass sounds like a mountain lion waiting to prance. A man walking could be a rapist.

Do you know fear?

The water feels like a friend. I walk beside it. As I walk, I open up more fear. As I walk, it releases. As I walk, I open up more spirit. As I walk, it releases.

Whatever is your mystery, Fear, you’re a viable opponent.

***Words, which surfaced and photos I snapped during my walk today.

Nikki

Are you Bored? Is it Time to Walk a New Path?

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Today’s Soul Report: Enthusiasm

Everyday, subscribers receive in their inbox, a Daily Soul Glimpse: a nudge from my soul to yours to help inspire self-inquiry and relationship with your soul. Below is what they received today:

Yesterday, I was bored with the book I am writing. So bored, I left the desk, picked up The Hobbit that I had been reading, sat in the sun and read. I hadn’t been able to get into the adventure of Bilbo and his friends. But, yesterday when I sat in the sun I was like a kid- giddy with excitement.

Bilbo and his friends had just outsmarted the dragon, and they were inside his lair, where all the riches were. Soon, the little Hobbit would be going home, a place he dreamed about being during his entire adventure.

Still not wanting to go back to my writing work, I took a walk. I walked the usual path- down the boulevard near our home, then back around. Seemed a bit stale and boring this time, just like my writing and I wanted, if nothing else, for my walk to last longer.

I imagined another way I could go to get home- a way I hadn’t been before, but knew the road well enough that it curved up and would lead back to the boulevard. But, just as the road began to curve up, I looked to the left and saw a gravel path. I knew the river was near.

But, that didn’t entice me as a river here in Los Angeles is is not the Mighty Mississippi of my childhood. Instead it is a man-built, concrete tube where sometimes water flows, and most times it doesn’t. I took this path anyway.

It moved right along with the golf course and the “river,” which of course was dry. But there were trees and quiet- and it was new. At every bend or hill, I’d tell myself I would turn around and go home. But, my curiosity won at every bend and down every hill. Soon, I was hearing traffic noise again, and was under the great overpass of a busy highway. The enormity of its pillars and the concrete above me made me feel small and vulnerable, and honestly so was this path.

I did not know where it led. I was alone, and at one point I saw what I thought was a loose dog, a Doberman no less, and my heart stopped. Thankfully, his owner appeared. “He’s chasing rabbits,” he told me.

Continuing to walk, following my curiosity the path led to many paths. One seemed to go around in a circle, although I did not venture it to see. And another led over a little bridge where water actually ran under it. Further, a bubbling creek adorned with river rock. The kind one could step on to get to the other side. It was getting dark, though and I would be calling my adventure over- until next time when I would go farther. Perhaps over that river rock.

We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life when all that we need to be really happy is something to be enthusiastic about. ~ Charles Kingsley

On my return home, I found I was no longer bored. I was enthused. Although I did not meet a dragon like Bilbo, only a doberman with an owner, I felt I had gone on an adventure. I thought about my curiosity, and how it has been my courageous friend in many of my walking endeavors. It is one of the areas in my life where I may be afraid to travel new ground, but still I continue. I am also this way inside my soul. Curious to know what else is in there….But, my writing and work in the world, I tend toward timid.

As I said, I was bored with my work, and left it. I thought about how I found that new path. It began by walking the same old one, and then wanting to walk a little further. To be this way in my work, as I am in my soul and on my walks then, is what I’m after. To keep going and be curious of new ways to see. New ways to express. New. New. New.

Curiosity saves us from boredom. And the more detached we are in that area of our life, the more curious we will be. Curiosity will always bring us somewhere new. Give us new insights. New ways of seeing. And when this happens, we find we are enthused.

Just like that quote above- money and fame, even the riches in a dragon’s lair won’t bring the happiness that a new adventure can. That a life of doing work, which fulfills us can- that a life lived with enthusiasm can. This is what I believe we are all seeking.

Self-Inquiry:

What area in your life feels dull and uninteresting? It might be that it is an area where we need to pay less attention, but it also may be an area where we only need to bring new eyes to. In what areas are you more adventurous and curious? Do you find these areas bring more joy into your life? How might you travel a new path? How might you be more daring? Be curious, and notice when you are enthused and when you are not.

To subscribe to Soul Glimpses, click here.

Are You Having An Affair With WANT?

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Today’s Soul Report: WANT

Giving up want brings us home.

I had an affair with want. It didn’t last long, but long enough to do damage, and enough to learn A LOT. In truth, the affair may not be completely over. But, today I caught a glimpse, a rather extended glimpse of what happens when the affair is over.

Giving up want brings us home. 

This past week, I have been catching glimpses of my home in Minnesota- streets and neighborhoods, favorite places I’d visit, and homes I’d lived in. One in particular haunts me, and I’ve been feeling a pull to return to that home. I even wrote my old neighbor, and said, ‘Let me know when our house goes up for sale.’

I caught another glimpse today.  It was of Descanso Gardens. It is a beautiful sanctuary of nature near our home now. I followed the glimpse and spent the day.

I did not particularly WANT anything from my day spent there. I just simply caught a glimpse of it in my mind, and followed. Before heading home, I sat on a bench near a stream. I opened up my journal, and began writing.

I wrote of our home, the one that’s been haunting me. The one we left in pursuit of something MORE. I wrote: ‘I don’t care about that big life I wanted, that life I left my house for.’ In that moment, I felt that pursuit of MORE as over.

I had a similar feeling the other day. I knew all the things I’ve wanted would come and when they did, they would not matter. What matters is what I’ve gained inside, and now return to because of that journey. What matters are the relationships I still have and how much more they matter now. But, what I left my old life for doesn’t seem to matter anymore. In this moment, the wanting is over. It’s a relief to feel this. To give up want leads us home.

We live in a culture where it is perfectly acceptable to WANT more. To get more. To do more. I’m not dismissing more. But, I am questioning WANT. In Psalm 23: I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.

In Wizard of Oz– there’s no place like home, after an adventure. Home is where we come when we no longer want. Does it mean we no longer live? We give up desire? We don’t pursue dreams? We just lie down in green pastures and suck on a piece of grass all day? No. It does not.

It means we have more moments without the constant pull from WANT, and we hear more of our Soul. Our heart. We catch glimpses from inside, and we follow them. It is more of a nudge, and less of a grab and go, go, go. It feels softer, and even more real. Simply, we move from a deeper place.

As, I leave the gardens, I write: ‘WANT, I forgive you. I see what you have done. You took me from a home designed by the hopes of a new husband and wife, a new life. When I gave this up for “greener pastures” you had me, and you knew it. Look at what I gave up for you. And now I receive glimpses of where I was before, all the places I left, and I return to look. All the images in my mind are the same, and I have no more regret. This time, when I look you are no longer there taunting me. Pulling me. And without you all I see is home. All I feel is home. Home, and more home.’

To return now, I know this is all there would be. But, I’ve left that home. My children, one grown, the other growing. I don’t know where I will be, but I know home is the continual theme. I know home is the lesson. I know home will continue to expand and awaken within me, especially when WANT is not walking along the side of me.

Namaste,

Nikki

Connect Before You Cannot

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Today’s Soul Report: Reaching Out

I can’t do this alone anymore. These words poured out from me as I walked up a hill by my house. I’m begging to be helped. 

Prior to these words pouring out, I sent a text to my mom. I told her everything that was happening to me. I reached out to her.

This was no easy task. I remember before we left for California, lying in a bed next to my mom. “Mom, I don’t feel comfortable around you.” She didn’t know how to take it, but this was the most honest I’d been with her. I did not, and probably have never felt comforatable around my mother.

In a previous post, I shared a dream I had about my mother. We were in a car, and I was trying to engage her in the beauty surrounding us, but she wasn’t paying attention. I then, tried to warn her of a car that she was about to hit- again she was not paying attention.

My primal relationship is with my mother- as is most of ours. And I’m guessing, from utero to present day, I did not sense a connection to my mother. This disconnect, I am finding has defined most, if not all of my relationships, and the fact that I’ve not had many relationships, especially with girl friends.

As I continued to walk up that hill, over and over again, tears began to pour out too, along with those words: I can’t do this alone anymore. A heaviness in my chest became obvious, and it was almost as though I were exorcising some major entity that had taken up a lot of space in my being.

This entity had a story. It is the ‘I don’t need anyone’ story. The ‘I can and have done it alone, and this is good because, hey, knowing how to be alone and only count on me is a good thing’ story. The story has been with me so long, I did not even know there was much else but this story. I thought the story was Truth.

But this day, where I released that heaviness, where I reached out to my mom, where I declared I can’t do it alone anymore, allowed enough space where I could hear this story. It was like I heard it for the first time, even though it had been playing for many, many years. I saw it, and at once abandoned it. I said to it, yes, but this is not helpful to me anymore. I want to see all the people who are there now. I want to reach out. And I thank you for keeping me safe all these years.

That day happened a few weeks ago now. Interestingly, I’ve reached out several times since. To a relative, who it turns out shares similar issues. We talked and shared and laughed, and it was good. I’ve reached out to a publisher about a book idea, and she wants to see more. I’ve made myself more available to my family, and my mother recently sent this text, which for me says everything:  I want to connect before I cannot.

You see, it wasn’t necessarily I was alone. We are never alone anyway. It’s impossible. From the very beginning we needed someone to get here. We can’t brush our teeth without the one who invented the toothbrush. We are never, ever alone and do absolutely nothing alone, although this is a HUGE story so many of us tell.

For a while, perhaps a long while, this story comforts us. We like to hide and feel isolated. We get to be right when we tell ourselves no one is there for us, and then no one is. I shared in a recent post, how I tested people. I wanted to see, are you there? And guess what, most failed, but I was right. But, really in our pain and power of being right, what we really want is to connect, as my mom says.

In her case, she is going to be 70 this year. Finally, all of those dramas and issues she had while I was a kid, where she couldn’t connect to the beauty or the pain, no longer matters as much. Now she wants to connect before she cannot.

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter

Trying to be Alone

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Today’s Soul Report: A Writing/Walking Meditation (written several weeks ago)

I am called forward by the sound of a bird. It is the only sound I want to hear. Soon I hear them all:

traffic noise that I don’t want to hear;

a wind chime;

an old porsche- the driver pushing on the gas to get it to rumble;

a child’s laughter, and the sound of water hitting the car as its being washed by father and son;

a weed whacked.

I see: 

a tiny lizard running deeper into a bush;

groceries being taken out of a car;

two friends talking loud. A young boy paaaes by on his cell phone;

a young mother walking her baby.

There are too many out today. But who am I? No one more special than the next. 

More birds. A place in the shade;

they turned on their front yard fountain. No one home to listen.

All of these beautiful spaces with no one to sit and listen, to the fountain. The birds. 

I feel:

it is hot. Sun exposing me;

I have a great opening line. I’m afraid to go deeper;

I don’t want to see people or have them see me;

like the lizard that runs to the dark everytime a footstep is felt.

I want:

a writing room. The one I see in my imagination. More like a cottage. Moved away from the main house. I walk there with my tea. Smiling. Ready to enter.

I am: 

selfish I’m sure. To want nothing but birds. Wind. Quiet. A cottage to write that only I enter into;

aware I created a life before knowing who I was. This life now makes me feel confined- in moments;

longing for a life that will one day come. But, only after the kids are raised and the money is raised. The career established. Or am I just being dramatic?

wandering the streets to try and find a space that is just mine.

I know the pursuit is selfish. The longing of it makes me unhappy. Soon I will enter my over priced rental. Family of four. No room to write. Only a wall space between the bedroom closet and drawers. My husband will probably be in there sleeping. It’s Saturday. I will feel pressure to join the family.

I hear be grateful being chanted from the positive thinking cult on my left, and on my right I hear some form of my dad and the Buddha tellling me it’s too bad I lost my desire to only be useful- and nothing else.

I find a place. I’ve been here before. It’s on a graffiti filled rock. Above the Rose Bowl. The only space where there’s shade. I see people have been here. But no one is here now.

What’s the rustling in that bush? Probably another lizard.

A Contemplation on Struggle

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Today’s Soul Report: Struggle

I saw a man. Same one I’ve seen several times, on Colorado Blvd. with a styrofoam cup, he jiggles for change.

The homeless here in LA are almost as common as the Mercedes Benz is here. That’s the interesting part about being here. The diversity one sees within seconds. Even in this instant. A man tattered and worn, asking for spare change to those in suits and ties. Standing outside one of the 10 best Italian restaurants in LA.

When I’ve seen him in the past or others like him, I’m uncomfortable. I usually have no spare change as I don’t carry cash and I live on a small savings until my business takes off. I wonder should I smile instead. But if I do- will they think I’m patronizing them. Giving them pity. Should I not look at all? But, then they might feel I’m just one more who turns the other way.

Yesterday, with the man with the cup, I had a new experience. Every fiber in my being, with absolute clarity, felt: I do not want you to live like this and I don’t want you to want it either. I felt it so strongly I wanted to tell him. I didn’t. Nor did I give him my dollar of change I was saving for the post office.

A bee from before

Another experience: I was walking. I looked down and saw a bee. It was on it’s back struggling. I walked past but I kept thinking about the bee on its back, fighting to fly. To live. I wanted to help it. I don’t want you to struggle.

I turned around to go to the bee, but a woman was coming out of her car. I worried what she might think, and continued on. But, I’m not that girl who cares what people think anymore, and I turned around but the bee was gone.

I wasn’t going to write about this, but as I went deeper I saw the benefit to others if we observe how we respond to beings that to us seem to be suffering. Because maybe they are not. Maybe it’s what is needed, but what I’m learning as I clear the space within me more and more ,is almost a compulsion to say to those I see struggling: I don’t want you to live like this.

This thought is what in the past made me controlling and codependent toward family and strangers. But then, I had other another agenda. Then, I also needed their behaviors to make me comfortable. I don’t now- at least not as much, and it frees me to get to the purity of this compulsion.

I sense in time, I will respond more and more to this compulsion in a healthy, compassionate way. It’s why I write. It’s why I will begin teaching. It’s why I might just look that man on the corner in the eye, and say: I see there is more in you and I want you to remember what that more is.  Remember. Remember. Remember. 

Reflection: I believe we all have this compulsion to assist others. We may be acting on it in more destructive and codependent ways, but it’s there.

Observe how you respond to this desire in you. What you think and feel and how you react when you see a soul struggle. This small exercise can and will give clarity into what is in you- those forces, often in conflict, alive in you. 

*Disclaimer: If this post arrogantly or ignorantly suggests those who are homeless or those who struggle in more obvious ways do not know of their divinity, or do not honor where they are, (because how am I really to know), I just want to say this is not my intention. I am in process of seeing our divine essence within everyone, and that this is what unites us, and I really just want us all to remember and unite. I just want to remember, and keep remembering- and unite.

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter

Don’t Look in that Box- or Do

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Today’s Soul Report: Seeing & Going Deeper

“Mom, I need to show you something. There’s a dead cat in a box.” (Yes, Rhonda I am writing about it)

Lilli, my 11-year old was outside, and came across a box in the middle of a sidewalk. She  seemed a bit traumatized.

“Okay, Lilli I will look.” But, I wasn’t sure I wanted to see, or smell a dead cat in a box.

We took the walk, and I could see something black sticking out of a box. Was it black fluid? Was it a garbage bag? Was that even it? 

We got closer. I’ll spare details.

Later, Lilli took my oldest daughter, Alyssa and their father to see. At first Alyssa didn’t want to see. She said, “I don’t want to see anything I might regret.”

When they returned, I asked how it went and what they thought. My husband said it was a dog.

How each of us responded to the dead animal in the box got me thinking- and of course composing a post in my head. How we respond to this sad and grotesque image might say how we respond to all that is sad and grotesque inside of ourselves.

My husband: just looked. It’s a dog. And that was that. It’s done (or so I assume).

Alyssa: stood further away, peered, afraid she might regret what she might see.

Lilli: traumatized and wanted everyone to see. She is the instigator and because of her age is almost intrigued by things like this.

Me: timid, but curiosity brought me closer. Gross and frightening, yes, but I wanted to know more. What is it- a dog, a crow, a cat, a human head? Who did this, and why? I was so curious, I wanted to dig deeper, open the plastic bag it was in. I wanted to know its story- now, before and after. But, it didn’t seem safe. Disease…germs…and I walked away.

There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own Soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. ~Carl Jung

Making the darkness conscious~

How do we do this when our response to darkness/pain/the scary, the grotesque, the ugly, is in our way? First, we need to know how we respond.

  • Drama/victim response: Are we aware of our pain, but use it for drama? To get sympathy from others? Often to get through our dark spaces, we must completely immerse with them, but we do this to understand, and ultimately free ourselves. If we aren’t learning from our pain, and making connections, and find our self continuously seeking more pain or not moving through it, we may have an agenda for drama more than for freedom.
  • Regret of what I might see: Alyssa has big eyes, and I tell her she can see whatever comes to her. But, as I have shared she is afraid in case she regrets what she might see. Why might we regret seeing something? For fear we cant’ handle it? For fear of how it might change us? For fear of it making us feel? She shared when she was little how sensitive she was…maybe we are afraid to be vulnerable again?
  • Rational response: It’s a dog. I asked my husband why someone would do this- his answer: not everyone feels the same way about their pets. This is so true- such a rational response. But rational can be a safe place to stay. Rational means hey, it is what it is and that’s all that it is. But there is always more.
  • Timid response: We might feel so afraid, so timid we may not even go to the darkness. We may hide for as long as we can, playing it safe, but not really living and surely not growing.
  • Imagining figures of light: I don’t know exactly what Jung intended with this. I interpret it pretty much how I interpret the new age movement- it came around to remind us we are made of more than sin- that we are light, love, GOD, but then it continues to encourage us to stay in the light. In fact, one of these teachers who I just read today, said “Constantly be in a state of kindness…stay in the incredible state of love, joy, peace…come from a complete state of loving everything and everyone…” Wow. That sounds like a lot of pressure to me. Are we really ready and prepared for this constant state of joy, kindness, loving everyone and everything? I would say, we have more darkness to make conscious, unless of course we are in a constant state of grace, but I know no one like this. (But, I can go off on this tangent forever, so…..)
Okay, now that I have some insight into how I respond to pain/darkness, now what?  

I’m reading a spiritual memoir. She writes: “What would happen if I opened myself….into the depths…? I wanted to climb all the way inside the questions and see what is there.”

This is curiosity- the next step. This kind of desire she writes about is what moves us deeper- to climb all the way inside and see what is there. The desire must be more than the fear. More than what we fear we might find. More than those safe places we stay in that I shared above. We must be curious enough to move beyond our typical responses to what calls us to look.

As I looked at the grotesque image in the box, my curiosity far exceeded the feelings of what this image brought up. It was only because of the obvious of germs that I did not go further.

My husband said I could have gotten a stick. Believe it or not, I almost did- and if we want to go deeper, there must be some preparedness before we do. Tools. Insights. Wisdom, all which come from going deeper.

And you? When will you begin the long journey into yourself? ~Rumi 

How curious are you? Does your curiosity exceed your fear, and in what areas? Do you really want to crawl deep inside, poke around, ask questions, open your eyes and see?

How do you respond to stories you hear about the “misfortune” of others? How do you respond to opportunities in which you are unsure, that you have no context for? The answers provide clues of how ready you are and where you are on your journey.

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter

Soul Work With Me

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Today’s Soul Report: Soul Work (for a brief synopsis of Soul Work with me, click here)

The only useful purpose is to turn within and realize. There is nothing else to do. ~Ramana Maharishi

Let’s take a trip. It’s going to be dark, so you’ll need a light. What would you like to use? That funny miner hat with the light on it? Or how about the lighted necklace, the young boy uses in the movie, Sanctum to find his way through, and out of an underwater cave? Whatever image you have for your light, take it with you, and let’s dive.

We are going to investigate your soul. Sound intriguing? The soul is a space worth digging into. The soul is a space often neglected, like the drawer or closet in our home we don’t want anyone to see. But, the soul wants to be seen, and we are the only ones who can open the soul’s door, dig in, and do the work.

Why do this work?

“Times are difficult globally; awakening is no longer a luxury or an ideal. It’s becoming critical. The earth seems to be beseeching us to connect with joy and discover our innermost essence. This is the best way that we can benefit others.” Pema Chödrön

I don’t think I can say it any better than Pema.

If you seek to discover your innermost essence & to benefit others in an authentic way, Soul Work is a way to this. The following is also what you can find:

  • Flexibility within yourself, which allows for greater flexibility with others.
  • Space- the time within fear, anxiety, frustation and depression are less, which means other dormant feelings can arise, such as:
  • Laughter. Smiling. A sense of personal freedom.
  • The exposure and transformation of dramas like- “victim” and “perfectionist.”
  • Your talents, passions and desires and an energized focus to see them into manifestation.
  • A new way of being in your relationships.
  • Essentially, a recapturing of your essence.

And all of these results, and more that you will find upon your journey, takes work~

Work. Keep digging your well. Don’t’ think about getting off from work. Water is there somewhere. ~Rumi

If we want to clean out that closet or drawer with all the crap in it so we might open it up as a beautiful sanctuary for ourselves and others, then we are going to have to do some work. We will have to first, open the door. Then be brave enough to keep opening the door because at first it might be overwhelming. But, we don’t have to take it all on. We can start in a corner, an extra small space, and get to digging.

This is Soul Work. Opening. Looking. Investigating. Clearing. And usually not just once because in the soul are many, many layers.

Layers of what?

The places unseen are what cause the most trouble.

Well, I call it clutter. Clutter is defined as: a confused disorder, to fill so as to hamper movement and lower efficiency. There are many forms of clutter~ all in the soul, however to begin the work, we might chose to start digging in one of the areas below. These are the forms of clutter most dominant in our culture today:

  • Home- is your home in a state of disarray? Does your home provide comfort? Solace? Or as Oprah would say, does your home “rise up to greet you?” If not, dealing with the clutter in the home might be a great place to begin.
  • Body– is your body stiff and sore? Are you overweight? Fatigued? Chances are your body could use some healing.
  • Emotional– do you feel numb? Or do you create a lot of drama? Are you on anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds? Rumi says, our emotions come to clear us out for some new delight. But are we allowing them to move through and clear?
  • Mental– feeling foggy? Distracted? Confused? So many thoughts….need I say more?
  • Relationship– feeling stuck in your relationships? Do they feel dry and dull? Unfulfilling? Often, as we begin to awaken the dynamics in our relationships, our relationships change.
  • Societal- don’t feel like you are living your own life? So many of us are living lives we would never live if we were more awake in our lives and aware of who we are.
  • Soul– all of these are a part of the Soul, and if we feel the need to go within, then dealing with our Soul Clutter is a good place to begin.

Why dig through the clutter?

Well, first because most of us aren’t over anything. Our childhoods. Traumas we’ve had. Losses we’ve experienced. Inside our souls, they sit and stir. They trouble us. They haunt us. With them, we project. We assume. We remain ignorant to who we truly are, acting out in various roles such as “the victim.”

But beyond this- once we work through this is…..

In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order. ~Carl Jung

a foundation of order. Not of rigid order, but of divine order. A fluid order, and clutter obstructs the flow. Creates inefficiency. What’s important to know, especially while digging through the accumulated stuff, is the flow is always happening and the order is always present. The goal is to become conscious of it and to move upstream for awhile, as the Buddha would say- to clear and become conscious of who we are and who we are not.

Life is series of awakenings. ~Sivananda

To awaken to ourselves is the only work worth doing. Within the layers are aspects/parts of ourselves holding treasures and gifts, patterns and beliefs. Our desires and talents are here. Our wisdom is here. Insights are lying dormant awaiting our presence. And yes, there is pain there. Maybe as we dig, we find ourselves, one day sitting on the front stoop, crying about our dog that passed away a couple of years ago. This is a layer we haven’t fully felt and to feel it, to allow space for it, frees us. And this is what I am truly after- freedom, for you and for me. For this, we must realize Buddha’s desire- the end of suffering. I know that end is possible. Pain, we will still have, but to suffer in old mind sets, in continuous drama, and the accumulating of clutter can end, but only with our continuous effort.

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not starting and not going all the way. ~The Buddha

Okay, so now what?

And you, when will you begin the journey into yourself? ~Rumi

Maybe you’ve already started digging and you’ve hit a wall and need an extra push. Or maybe you’ve just begun and you are looking for guidance. If so, I am here to be that guide. To be that push. And if that feels right, then here’s some information about me to know~

There is a force within that gives you life- Seek that. In your body there lies a precious jewel- Seek that. Oh, wandering Sufi, if you are in search of your greatest treasure, don’t look outside, Look within and seek That. ~Rumi

I’ve been seeking That. I began my “Soul Work,” consciously at least 20+ years ago. A few years ago, several groups of words came to me, which are continuously developing into a process to initiate and lead Soul Work. Also, I attended life-coaching training, and received a variety of techniques to open up the unconsious mind, which help bring what is unconscious, conscious so that we may experience a shift.

Gathering~

Right now as I begin to open the door of offering this service, I am in the process of gathering all my tools, both from training and through paying attention to my own Soul Work, and bringing it into a flexible form to help others as they begin to dig in, and do their own exploring. This work, of course can be done alone, but a guide who is committed to their own Soul Work will provide guidance and perspective, and make the journey less isolating. In our day to day lives, it is important to dedicate a concentrated time looking within, having someone there with us for just purpose.

The life which is unexamined is not worth living. ~Plato

Soul Guide~

I am not a therapist (although I’ve been to some and most weren’t so great), or even a life-coach (although I have training as one), but I see myself as a Soul Guide. It is the work I have done for myself and continue to do. It is the work I do with my children. It is the work I do with others who are ready and interested and curious.

So, if this is you- you can click here to purchase your Soul Work Session(s) or fill out this form for a free initial meeting to speak about your needs, or if you have any questions about Soul Work.

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter

Intoxicating Brilliance

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Today’s Soul Report: Stop and Smell the Roses

 

 

One of the results of soul work is we will be less occupied with ourselves, which is a benefit in many ways, and one simple benefit is we will be pulled in by intoxicating beauty that is everywhere. We will immerse in a moment.

The smell of this flower....intoxicating brilliance.

On my walk this afternoon, I was completely taken in by a scent. Above me was a tree, budding with small flowers. I took off a small branch, and breathed in its scent all the way home. My daughter was studying at the dining room table, and I put the branch to her nose. She stopped. Closed her eyes. “It smells like Hawaii.” My youngest daughter was in her room, and had not been speaking to me for two days. I put the branch to her nose. She resisted, but took in a whiff. She began talking to me again. Smiling. Laughing.

We must find what makes us happy, if even for a moment. We must allow space to “stop and smell the roses,” and invite others as we do.

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter