Category Archives: Soul Tip

Getting Into It

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A bit of a rant: Attention Writers & Artists of all kinds

It seems to me articles and books for aspiring writers (books and articles I read since writing is my chosen art form) often aren’t speaking to that genius part in us- the literary great, which resides within. Instead they, who are usually writers who have already published, write to the part of us that worry we will never be published. The part that wants to be good enough to be published but might not be or if so, has to jump through a hundred hoops, that they now know about, to maybe squeeze in the very tight publishing door, the door somehow they were able to squeeze through- and I am sure it is because they knew somebody who knew somebody who was somebody (or so they say that’s how it really happens).

I just saw an ad for a writing program offered by a well-known person in the writing/self-help world. The program costs thousands of dollars.  Somewhere in this advertisement, had I not skimmed, it probably guarantees success. I’m sure it works too, but I’m not going to buy it. In fact I am not sure I am going to buy any program like that. I may not even read another book or article about getting published or how to build a platform.

Why? Because I’d rather be writing. My days of gathering information, and worrying over why I probably won’t be one of the “lucky” few who have success, are over. I’ve heard author, Elizabeth Gilbert speak a few times about her success from Eat Pray Love, and I’m always annoyed by her response to her success. She speaks of it like some kind of fluke. It’s disheartening. Not encouraging, but that’s her perception. Or at least how she presents it publicly. As an aspiring writer, I want “them” to speak to me that everything is possible and not that I have to just hope my book too will be a fluke. Speak to me as if I am that genius. Stop speaking to me as if you are now the expert who might know better than I…..but just like I never understand why parents are angered when the olympic swimmer smokes pot or any other athlete who does “wrong,” because their children see them as role models, these published writers don’t have to hold up to my ideals either.

There are so many layers to a wish come true; to a desire of the soul. Everything must align for that “perfect storm.” All necessary energies and desires present. Divine timing and readiness of the writer. It’s a lot more than what those books and articles tell you. It’s included. But there’s more. And if this desire is in the soul, and the soul desires to permit the desire, than the being within the soul shall certainly have it, and quite possibly more than ever imagined. Call me naive. Tell me I’ve no clue because I’ve no agent. I’ve no published book…..

But-

There are many telling us what their secrets are and giving advice when we didn’t ask for it, and information was not meant to dictate to us how to live or publish or whatever, but simply add something new or maybe show us what we don’t add, and I dont care what well known expert is dictating it either. We have our own expert available to us, and we can become conscious of it. It is our SOUL.  It knows us and only us. It works for us and only us. We can go there even if we don’t know where there is.

Now I’m going to go get an agent. Why? Because in my soul I know it’s time to find someone other than myself who is  going to believe in my work and work for my work. And until I find that person or if I don’t, that person will continue to be me.

Today’s Soul Tip:

When we are truly into our art, we are into our art. We aren’t reading about what we should do with our art, or how to make our art, or about other people’s opinions about our art. This IS the best place to be- within our art, and where that art takes us, and where that art wants to go, we listen. We watch. We obey. In this way NOTHING is ever a fluke. 

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter

The Guru Teaches Arrogance- A Tough Lesson

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Today’s Soul Report:

For awhile something was gnawing at me. Something big, but not big enough for me to see. A shadow, where every time I tried to turn around and see it, it would be behind me again. It wasn’t until I decided to get real honest with my journal and get real drill sergeant like and demand I see, declaring my readiness to see it- that I did. But first, I had to invite an experience into my life so I could see what it was that had been eluding me.

Arrogance runs deep

The culprit- arrogance. Arrogance runs deep, and comes out in many subtle ways, often barely noticeable, but since working with my own, I see it more clearly and see how subtle and deep this trait goes. It is destructive in its ability to separate and leave the other or others isolated, and it is sly, like a fox. It keeps weaving in and out so we don’t see it operating in its myriad ways.

Here are examples of some of those ways:

The experience I invited into my life was a conversation I never quite felt got finished with Marianne Williamson. I wrote a blog, and in this blog, I was sharing my experience with my inner perfectionist- how she talked to me, what she demanded of me- and I addressed her as Sergeant Williamson, seeing her as a combination of a spiritual teacher (I picked Marianne Williamson) and a drill sergeant. No harm done, at least not in my mind. I picked MW because she is a woman. I almost picked Wayne Dyer, but he’s a man and I wanted to make it relatable for me so I could work with this part of me that was making my life confused, miserable and inauthentic.

Ms. Williamson was adamant I was being catty. That I was harsh, and somehow she must have offended me or I would not speak so badly of her. Well, in my arrogance, perhaps a bit of courage, and the desire to take full advantage of an interesting opportunity to stretch, I tried to make spiritual teacher extraordinaire understand I was NOT talking about her. I wanted to have an effect on her evolution, and also really wanted her to let go of this story because it was not true, at least as I wrote it, so to move this further, I stood face to face with her after one of her Monday night lectures, something I would not have thought about if it had not been for one of her adoring fans telling me I must. I must talk to her. “It would be fun. We can go together,” she said. So I went, and the adoring fan never texted me back. The face-to-face exchange with Marianne was just as it was through Twitter, which is where she first contacted me and email, where she contacted me again.

There was no getting through to Marianne. She just would not get that I was not talking about her, and looked at me quizzically when I told her my process (naming it) of outing one of my parts that creates dysfunction in my life. I guess I was naive. I guess I thought I could have a conversation with someone who talks about God, love and forgiveness with some openess. Well after this meeting, I felt pretty good. Empowered. I stood my ground because I can’t nod my head with something I know isnt’ true. And I thought that opportunity had run its course.

Until…

A few days ago. My husband is a fan of her page and made a comment. Being curious I went to her page to see what he said. I don’t even know what he said, but I ran across a comment from her- “People can translate for themselves, and I appreciate those who don’t project all kinds of stuff onto my words that I didn’t say:)” I couldn’t help myself- and I told her “I know how you feel.” She responded, and said she would try and remember that, and also wondered why she (meaning me) is so intent on attacking her all of the time.

From here, a two day conversation began. Not with Marianne. We never heard from her again, but with some of her most loyal fans. In this exchange I saw many different and subtle aspects of arrogance, so much so it brought out my own- mostly in the form of the rebel who is going to call your shit out as I saw it. What I saw are some of the signposts I view as arrogant:

Subtly number one: People telling us their title, and we didn’t ask. Example, I am a psychologist. A doctor. A filmmaker. From said psychologist, I was told that I wasn’t in a very creative and intuitive place when I picked out the name Sergeant Williamson and if I were I would have not picked out Marianne’s name or Wayne’s. Which, brings me to…

Subtly number two: Giving advice when we didn’t ask. The ancients taught, do not teach unless asked. I didn’t ask for this woman’s advice about my writing (or Marianne’s when she told me she had been doing what she does for 20+ years and should really watch what I write). She was not at my writing desk as I wrote that post, and actually, the moment MW and the drill sergeant merged was one of brilliance that only happens when in the creative space.

Subtly number three: When people say “Been there. Done that.” I tend to be honest about how I feel and what I think and where I am in my evolutionary process. This said, I leave myself open for people to give me a lot of, “been there, done thats,” (and that advice I didn’t ask for) Oh, I used to compare myself to others; (which was said and assumed by a loyal follower from this exchange). Oh, I used to care what people thought of me; Oh, I used to be afraid but now I am not- “Been there. Done that.” Great. Super. Is that helpful though? Or does it increase their superiority and cause further isolation? Why say it, other than to prove you no longer struggle, to let us all know what step you aren’t on in your evolution. And if you are so over your stuff, can I now ask you for your advice because I want to be over mine too?

Subtly Number Four: It’s my way or the dumb-way. This exchange had me pretty much hating new agey, spiritual mumbo jumbo, and I used to be kind of into it, but I think I may have been into it because it was the only thing I thought was there that sort of got me. But, most of it isn’t deep enough. It’s too much about the end result- where we are all singing Kumbaya, and not enough about what it takes to get there or gives space for those who aren’t. For me if I am not authentically feeling it, I am not going to preach about it. And for me the only way I can authentically feel it, means I have to dig within myself and find all the obsrtuctions to my authentic joy. Have I had those moments? Yes. I think so. But I’m not done. I can’t speak on the eternal, authentic anything because my focus is to know thyself, or as Volatire says, to culitivate our own garden and this is ongoing, a process. But see, I’ve been arrogant about all of this. My way is the way, preaching my anthem of- please don’t waste your time preaching and pretending all this love and joy when you have so much darkness inside, that is being projected all over the place, that you aren’t owning. As much as I would like it to be everyone’s anthem and deal with stuff, I can only own it for myself. It is what works for me. If others want what I have in my garden, I will share, but the last few years, I’ve been lost in my own arrogance; my attachment to other’s evolution and feeling the pressure to help it along as if this is my duty, my “calling,” more than tending what I used to tend best- my own garden. And yet, I wasn’t out there enough pushing that either, to get people to go my way or the dumb way, which brings me to this lesson:

The fear of arrogance also runs deep.

My husband said recently, if I want to get my teachings, words, writing- basically myself “out there,” I am going to have to find my swag. Be a little cocky even. Oh, God no- how I could I? I resist being arrogant like that. There has to be another way….I would imagine most who are out there, had some swag/arrogance- or perhps a whole lot. Even Gandhi had swag in his own way. He put himself out there and was devoted to what he believed in. So, probably not too much wrong with some swag. But I was afraid of using it and how it might make me look. The fear of being arrogant was a bigger culprit, it would seem, and it wasn’t helping me not be arrogant. It was making me blind to it. We often become what we fear, and our not looking at what we fear doesn’t make it less dangerous or real.

Conclusion:

I invited Marianne, along with some of her loyal fans, into my life to be mirrors of my own arrogance, and my fear of it. To bring out what was gnawing at me, so I could see it and name it, which is only the tip of the arrogance ice berg, and..

Therefore…

The lesson in arrogance will continue…

Today’s Soul Tip:

Seeing and naming what is deep within is only the beginning. This battle/learning opportunity is not over. It is on-going until I get all the way through it. What I have learned though so far is it is important for me to call out the arrogance. To understand it is a fierce opponent. The fear of it, worse. I don’t have to fear my arrogance, therefore I may begin exposing it, playing with it, at the risk of looking more arrogant than ever before. But I am not ready to own my pure humility, and my rebel certainly isn’t going to fake it.

There is more to the story- and if my focus is to cultivate my own garden, and everything in it, then the story will continue to unfold, and I believe it might have something to do with courage. I hope you will stay tuned…

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter


To Sprawl

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Today’s Soul Report:

What if we were to see our roots exposed like this tree? How long would they be? How far would they reach? What understanding would this sight bring of who we are and where we have been and where we are going?

I came upon this tree last week. Earlier that week, I had lost our family dog of almost 13 years. This tree brought solace. I sat upon its roots, within its deep crevices. Wisdom. This is what I thought when I first saw the tree. What wisdom it must have, and would it share some with me.

I asked for its message, its lesson for me. I heard the word sprawl. The word sprawl means to spread out over an area in an irregular or untidy way. At first glance, to an “untrained” eye, I suppose the roots do look irregular and untidy. If it were on a person’s personal property they may even be seen as a nuisance, worrying about the foundation they might crack. To my eye, which sees the so called untidiness of nature as beauty and in perfect order, these roots were the most beautiful and magical image I have seen.

But what does the word sprawl mean for me? There is beauty, adventure, magic and beyond this- natural instinct to sprawl- from within our center to outside- everywhere. To touch as much as we can. To reach and expand to and for our fullest potential in this bodily, earthly form.

In my fear. My hesitation. My ability to over-think and out-smart, so not to let too much in for fear I may feel too good or be hurt too badly, I’ve not sprawled and expanded like I long to, as this tree has. As this tree shows. That is its lesson for me. Reach. Expand. Sprawl as I have never done before.

Today’s Soul Tip:

I’ve noticed a certain joy creeping up inside of me in this week of my dog passing. The grief, tells me to be loyal- remember no joy. Something bad has happened. As sad as it was to watch my dog die, as someone said, the experience showed me who I am and who I was in those moments was open, vulnerable and courageous. I faced what I feared. Perhaps facing our fears sprouts our seeds of joy. But how can they grow, if I squash them with my loyalty to sadness and despair. It is not that I choose to deny my grief. I feel it when it is here, but I am also aware I am more comfortable in grief, sadness and despair than I am in joy. I must make room for that which I am unsure of.

When we are being stretched to go beyond what is comfortable, we might feel pissed off. Scared. Disloyal. We think we do not want to be moved beyond what’s pleasant, but actually we do want this. We want to be stretched. Moved. We long to sprawl. Expand. To reach to our fullest potential.

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter

>Creating Space

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What would happen if I didn’t…..

Here’s a question for you to ask yourself to create a small space between a behavior, thought or feeling you might be struggling with.
An example:
For most of my life, I was seriously addicted to sweets (and I say “was” loosely and with respect for the struggle), anything chocolate, like brownies in particular. I struggled and struggled with this intense pull to anything delicious.
A few months ago, I was lying on the couch obsessing about brownies.
“Alyssa,” I said to my daughter. “I really want some brownies, and not just brownies, but brownies with ice cream and chocolate chips and chocolate sauce.” I could not get my mind off of this thought. I kept telling her over and over again, I was going to the store to get all of the ingredients and I was going to eat it. But I didn’t get off the couch. Instead I just kept talking about it.
And then…
I had this thought, which was really a question:
What would happen if I didn’t go get brownies right now?
And further:
What opportunities could present themselves in the space where getting brownies and eating brownies used to be?

These questions created a space for another possibility other than my normal routine of:
  • think brownies
  • feel brownies in my mouth while I think of brownies
  • allow the “taste” of brownies to pull me to the store,
  • finally eat brownies to only feel satisfied for a millisecond
  • and then want more.
I didn’t go get brownies that day, or the day after or the day after. In fact I didn’t eat any sweets for over a month. This led me to seeing a nutritionist who talked to me about gluten and dairy and how it may be affecting my mind and body. Because of this space I created with that one simple question I was ready to create even more space by being gluten and dairy-free.
Last night, I had gluten-free brownies. The difference is I didn’t go through my regular routine. And why? Because of S P A C E. I simply made them, ate some and let them be just brownies, and not everything they were supposed to be for me.
I have taken this question and applied it to other issues, and truly it is amazing how it is working to create space and freeing me from behaviors I have struggled with for a long, long time.
So, how does this happen?
In our minds we create grooves, or neural-pathways. They work like this:
In our present reality, we may experience something that makes us act “irrationally.”
For instance, sometimes my husband gives me a certain look. I don’t really know what this look means, but inside it makes me feel inadequate, and instantly I respond by feeling inadequate. However, in order not to show my inadequacy I get mad, and isolate from him so he can’t “hurt’ me.
This look was sometimes given by my father (sorry dad). I shared in another blog, where I always felt like a disappointment to him, and to me this is what his look meant. In my youth I did not respond to my dad the way I respond to my husband. Instead I ingested this look by my father, and all that I thought it to mean, and created a groove of “reality” where I was unimportant, and a big disappointment. This created feelings, which were suppressed and overtime this suppressed energy created the behaviors I did, and sometimes still do, with my husband.
I hope that makes sense. These mind grooves can be dug really deep, and can dicatate our behavior for a long, long time. Until…. that is we offer space.
Questions can create space. They allow those neural-pathways to be interrupted, to question what to do since we didn’t do what we normally do, which is usually react unconsciously without being inquisitive.
Think of the old “church.” Or parents that did not want to be questioned. It is what it is. Do not question authority. If you do, you lack faith. Or whatever the fear tactic might be. However, we must question if we want to expand ourselves, and everyday we have numerous opportunities to open the space and ask:
What would happen if I didn’t….. you fill in the blank?
Oh, and I wanted to share what has opened up for me in the new space I have found:
  • Drawing
  • Writing
  • Exercising
  • Eating well
  • And I intend to begin my meditation practice again, which will create even more space.
Give up, and give in to what confines you- which all mental, unbalanced grooves will, by being an investigator into your own actions, thoughts and feelings. Be curious and alert. It’s important. And then notice the space, and all that it provides.
Namaste,
The Soul Reporter

>Enough!

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>Sometimes to make a change we have to say ENOUGH! I said it last night.

What have you had enough of?  Do you feel like you are going in one continuous circle- trying to do all the right things- using the Law of Attraction, yet getting no where?  Do you long to have your story change?  
If so, declare ENOUGH– out loud or silently to yourself- and mean it- and see if it makes a difference.  
I’ll let you know how it works for me.
Namaste.