I’m Mad, I Tell You- Mad.

At any point in my evolution I could have stopped and made a name for myself. Marketed an insight or a practice that worked in a moment, and made lots of money and acquired fame. But I have not done this (I have wished I could do this). I have kept on moving. I suppose in doing so, I have missed many opportunities, but the one I have not missed is the continuos evolution of my soul on this planet.

It occurs to me often, that before coming here, although I have no conscious remembrance of this, I declared my commitment to this soul path of continuous participation in my evolution, and yet I have tried to stop my own progress. I have tried because I also feel the vibration on the planet. A vibration of consistency I thought I needed to obey.

Consistency: conformity in the application of something, typically that which is necessary for the sake of logic, accuracy, or fairness • the achievement of a level of performance that does not vary greatly in quality over time

Our culture likes consistency. Let’s not vary. We view this as stable. Smart. Accurate. Right. Successful. Someone who is not consistent, we call them a flip-flopper. Crazy. Irrational. Undependable. Untrustworthy. Weird. But, I like what Rumi has to say:

Conventional knowledge is death to our souls, And it is not really ours.  It is laid on. Yet we keep saying we find “rest” in these “beliefs.” We must become ignorant of what we have been taught and instead bewildered.

But we look dumb, don’t we if we are bewildered (definition: perplexed- confused)? We need to have a plan. An outcome. We have to figure it out. Look smart. Productive. Look like we have it together. Of course we do. And why? Because we want something to rest on. To put our wobbly legs on so we feel as though we have some control. Because we care what “they” think.

Tell me Rumi, what’s another option:

Forget safety. Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.
I have tried prudent planning long enough.
From now on, I’ll be mad.

I’m pretty sure he means crazy mad, not angry mad, but hey if you fear anger, you might want to move into it. Chances are its got you anyway.

Every moment says, put this design in your carpet. (Rumi)

And we try, don’t we? Oh, this is a beautiful design– and we market it and make rituals of it and books out of it. We want to make it last. But many designs are to be made. We have a large piece of carpet. Larger than most of us can begin to imagine. I am not saying we should not make manifest what in a moment is a beautiful design, but there is plenty more, so no need to hold on and try and stay.

Everything is energy. We are energy, and because we don’t Know this basic idea, we believe everything is solid and we think what is solid and consistent is what is real and better. We constantly take what is given and solidify it. Concrete it in. Make it last. But, this is at the risk of holding our continuous evolution at bay.

I have done this with myself trying to be normal. Trying to make a living off of what I learned, and look like all the other successful writers, coaches, teachers, gurus out there. And trying to subdue all of the activity and anxiety I have going on inside of me. So many energies contradicting themselves. I try to reign it all in- for the sake of my husband, who says I am always changing, for the sake of others and their judgment, and for the sake of myself who has felt overwhelmed by all that is going on inside of me.

But the overwhelm is only felt because I have tried to control all of this. I have tried to be consistent.

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)  ~Walt Whitman

Speak what you think now in hard words, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said today.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson

These greats, with these words allowed the flow, the continuous rhythm, the force which has us grow and evolve. And yet, with these words we also see the conflict. Just the mere fact they wrote this and that I am writing this, shows there is conflict- like, is this okay to be inconsistent? To be seen as contradictory? We question because many of us were not, and feel we are not allowed to be ALL of who we are. There are limits, right?

NO. There are not. A large carpet, remember? Many designs, don’t forget. All here for us.

Through my writing and sharing, and continuous evolution, I am coming into my rhythm. It’s dynamic. Not one-sided. Certainly not consistent, but there is a Core of Consistency, which spins inside of me- a Truth. Or a Power. Or an Intelligence. Something I don’t have to name, but can just feel, sense, Know- and because It is there, I can be free to roam. To wander. To allow all that is me the freedom to flow, continuously.

>Two Kinds of Intelligence


Two Kinds of Intelligence

There are two kinds of intelligence: one acquired,
as a child in school memorizes facts and concepts
from book and from what the teacher says,
collecting information from the traditional sciences
as well as from the new sciences.

With such intelligence you rise in the world.
You get ranked ahead and behind others
in regard to your competence in retaining
information.  You stroll with this intelligence
in and out of fields of knowledge, getting always
more marks on your preserving tablets.

There is another kind of tablet, one
already completed and preserved inside you.
A spring overflowing its springbox. A freshness
in the center of the chest. This other intelligence
does not turn yellow or stagnate. It’s fluid,
and it does not move from outside to inside
through the conduits of plumbing-learning.

This second knowing is a fountainhead
from within you, moving out.


Today, I read this from Rumi. It confirms this post, I wrote almost a year ago. With talks and actions of improving our current crumbling education system, I thought I’d repost, however I am not sure we are in a space of honoring the fountainhead of wisdom flowing within us. We still view education as coming from the outside in, and this being the only way in which we gain knowledge. As long as this is a belief, we will be cheating our children and ourselves of knowing the fluid innate wisdom within us:

(An Education, posted March 2010)

I’ve got a gripe, and I realize it might not be ingested easily, if ingested at all.

What prompted it (although I’ve always had it)?
A young boy wants to get married when he is 18. This young boy asks the adults around him what they think. They all tell him, “No, don’t do it. That’s too young.”

It is probably good advice. Had I gotten married at 19 when I wanted to, I am sure I would have divorced. But this isn’t my gripe-
Someone responded, “Here is what I tell my two daughters, one 18 and the other 21. Don’t even talk to me about marriage until you have a degree. And make sure he has one too.”

Again, probably good advice- but, why in this culture does most everything often come to getting a degree? Don’t get me wrong, I wanted one. I was going to be a psychologist and we know a degree is needed for this profession.

I went to college for two years, getting a degree in Human Services. Then I got pregnant. Sure, I could have gone on to further my academic education, but I didn’t. I chose to devote those years to raising my daughter and getting to know myself.

These choices have earned me vast amounts of knowledge of the human psyche (mostly my own of course), and still do. However, the way I attain this knowledge does not come from an accredited institution, where I will earn a degree, that will win me intellectual favoritism in our current society, so I can secure my future.

We have a philosophy in this country, which seems more prevalent than ever: in order to secure our future, we must earn a degree, and the bar keeps being raised. It is no longer enough to have a two-year, or even a four-year degree. We must have a 6 or an 8, or however long it takes us to prove our intellectual worth- and secure our future.

The other day, as I tweeted on this subject, a follower asked if I was against getting a degree. My answer is absolutely not. I am for doing anything our soul speaks for us to do, and if that is receiving higher eduction than by all means, work toward a higher education. However, in this day of constant external pressure, do we even know the voice of our soul, and what it speaks? For that matter, do we even know there is a voice of wisdom in our soul? Do we think our current institutions are the only places in which to earn a higher education?

Had I enrolled in more years of college, I am not convinced I would have earned the depth of knowledge I have by paying attention and listening to my soul. With all the external studies, would I have encountered the voice of my soul? If I had, how absorbed would I become with it? Where would I have found the space in between text books and classes to listen to its voice, and to understand its wisdom? We are not empty slates who only have knowledge when administered externally.

The only useful purpose is to turn within and realize. There is nothing else to do. ~Ramana Maharishi

Recently it has been said we are lacking common sense. At the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, the phrase, ‘know thyself’ appears. It does seem we have misplaced our greatest asset, our wisest teacher, and that is our self, a self which guides us to know common sense, and also spiritual sense.

This lack of common and spiritual sense makes me wonder what the degree will do for the young daughters mentioned above should they lose their job or the husband with the degree. Is their future secure now? Sure, they might have intellectual favoritism and worth, but what about our spiritual worth? Will it ever be favored? It is in the realm of the spirit where ALL is secure and worthy. But where is the emphasis of the spirit in this world? Why aren’t mothers telling their daughters to develop and secure a relationship with their soul, and make sure your spouse has too?

I am proud of my daughter, Alyssa who is almost 18. For years she told us she was going to college. It was never a requirement I had of her. It is what she wanted, but something changed. She has chosen to concentrate her energy on what she loves, what she’s good at and what she wants to do- acting. She auditioned for one school, an acting academy, which offers complete concentration on dramatic arts. Just as the young boy who wants to get married, my young daughter has received advice from the “wiser” adults:

“Are you sure you should only audition for one school? Shouldn’t you have a back up plan? You know you would really be more secure doing a BFA program. That way if this actress thing doesn’t work out…..” All the while, my daughter stands confidently in the space SHE has chosen. She has a confidence and faith no degree could ever give her.  (Since this post, my daughter did get into the ONE acting academy she auditioned for. We are now in California helping to support her dream).

Perhaps, as a culture we are afraid to stop earning what we think we deserve. We can’t have a secure future unless we earn it, right? We must work and sweat for it. And working for a degree is the best, and frankly seems to be the only way we know how to. But, if we fear we are not “worth our salt” any other way, let us be sure earning a higher education in our spiritual nature is work. Lots of work. Uncovering our spiritual foundation, which lies beneath the societal and familial clutter is work. With this work, we earn a clear voice of wisdom from our authentic self. A voice that will guide us through, perhaps even with a bit of grace and faith, when the spouse leaves or the boss fires us.

“Just as a candle cannot burn without fire man cannot live without the spiritual life.” ~The Buddha

Jesus Christ has been called by some the Master Psychologist. But do we know him as Jesus Christ, PhD? Buddha did not attain enlightenment at Harvard. He attained it with intention to be enlightened, and sat under a Bodhi tree until it was received. Mattie Stepanek taught many to live in their hearts with his poetry of heartsongs. He never had the chance to graduate. There are many among us who have wisdom to share and it has nothing to do with what we as a society has deemed necessary for “smarts,” which is a traditional education.

There will be those who may not agree with what I say, and think I am critical of those who have earned higher education degrees. I share this post, somewhat for myself. I have struggled with feeling I am not worthy of a secure future for I do not have the documents to confirm my knowledge. So, I say to myself, as I say to any of you who may also struggle- there is security in our future (and our present and past), and it is bright. It is bright because we ALL have inherited a bright light within us. The only true security is ourselves, and like a degree, we must work to earn the reconnection to our true and wise self. It is process to ‘know thyself,’ one we have barely begun. One I hope we begin in earnest, for it is needed. One I hope we begin to honor, and to share.

The (Self-Educated) Soul Reporter

>I’ve Got a Gripe

>Okay, so according to my last writing post, a blog where I share my writing process, I said No More New Tasks. But, I have got a gripe.  I’ve been told I am a slow processor, so my gripe may seem stale by now, but if it at all matters I was displeased with this when it happened, but didn’t feel I needed to write about it- until now.

Here is the Gripe.  I have been watching Oprah for many years.  I enjoy her show.  It’s interesting.  And I used to LOVE Oprah’s Favorite Things.  But-   this year I was disgusted.  I checked in with myself- am I jealous because its been so long since I bought a favorite thing for me?  No. I am not jealous.  I’ve changed, and thank God, and thank me.

What brings the bad feeling to my soul is how she begins the show.  She, dressed in a dark robe of some sort, set dark, tells the audience they are going to spend time in meditation. “How many here meditate,” she asks?  Barely a hand.  The crowd is silent; the crickets chirping metaphor as I’ve never seen or heard.  Then, O in all her enthusiasm, says, “Meditate on this!” and pulls off her “robe,” the dark back-drop curtains are lifted, artificial snow begins to fall, and a sparking array of holiday props and a shining Oprah in red appears.
IT’S OPRAH’S FAVORITE THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Medics on the scene in case people collapse.

Yawn.  Then sadness and disappointment. Good-bye meditation, remembering your sprit, silence and hello-again- materialism, egotism, and saturation in the superficial.  O says it will be a long hour. I’ve seen several favorite things shows, and this one whizzes by in some manic, frenzied way; extravagant gifts, many with the Oprah signature label, being whipped out one right after the other.  There was no space to revel in the graciousness of the giving- if this is indeed the intention.  And if one show weren’t enough- here is part two.

Ugh. Put it to rest already.  It is safe to say, I’m done. I’ve had it.  I’m just not into it.  Don’t care about the things.  Don’t care about celebrity. Don’t care about status or fitting in or looking wealthy or living like a queen (although I did feel quite at home at Windsor).  Just don’t frickin’ care.  And this is what is happening, isn’t it? We have been saturated, absolutely saturated in the glitz, the gold, the glamour, and straight up artificial living.

When I was a little girl, my dad took me trick-or-treating. I dressed as Cinderella, wearing a hard, crinkly, plastic mask, my little eyes poking through the cut outs and an elastic band around my head. Not long after I put it on, I take it off, look at my father and say, “I just want to be me.”

This morning my mom asks, “What do you want for Christmas?” I JUST WANT TO BE ME, mom. Just ME, without the mask, the glitz, the gold, the glamour, the artificial living.  This is my favorite thing. ME.

We are the gifts. Not the shit.  It’s us, and always has been.  The rest, interruption.  Destruction.  Illusion. Stupidity.  And I am anxious and frustrated on some level, enough of us aren’t ready for this awakening. Maybe it was the crickets chirping when Oprah mentioned meditation.  It bothers me. It really does.  It seemed like it might have bothered her too, as she said a few times how good it is for us to meditate.  In my opinion, it’s too late Oprah- the euphoria of gifts and more gifts shut up that holy moment- quick.

And you, when will you begin the journey into yourself? ~Rumi

Our journey to being who we truly are will not come in a pretty package. If it did, we’d all be wrapped up in it, immersing ourselves in the process.  Instead this journey just is, awaiting our conscious return.  The path to follow for our conscious return is within.  Go there. Go there now.  The only reason needed- we are here in this moment breathing.  We don’t need an expert to tell us. We don’t need a catastrophe to bring us.  We don’t need someone else’s favorite things to do it.  We don’t need to wear Tory Burch flats to be invited to it.  All we need is what we already have- ourselves.

I hope I have offended some, but inspired more.  Either way thanks for hearing my gripe.  Now, let’s get out of our gold-chambered slumber.

Today’s Soul Tip:

Be you. The rest will come. Why? Cause its been there the whole time and so have YOU.  

The Soul Reporter

>The Guest House


The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, 
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all.
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, 
who violently sweep your house 
empty of its furniture, 
still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out 
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, 
meet them at the door laughing, 
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes, 
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

I like to imagine Rumi and I go way back; I call him my guy, Rumi.  Never have I had words resonate with my truth, as Rumi’s words do.  This poem, is one of my favorites.  Such wisdom, compassion, grace and understanding- such truth-telling, which remains forever.


In the midst of my “troubles,” I forget it’s the Soul’s Journey I am on.  I get wrapped up in my worries, still, even when I know better, when I have learned better.  The doubt wraps me up and I get stuck.  I forget who I am; that I am merged with the Soul, and I forget as Catherine Jones says, in this inspiring video, The Writing Spirit on AuthorMagazine.org: “the soul is rather ruthless.  It wants what it needs for that next step in its evolution.”
Catherine says, the Soul does not care- which says to me, it does not care of my worries. It does not care about financial matters. Or what I want. It just does not care. It only wants what it needs for its next step in its evolution. It only wants to expand and grow.  This may mean we might end up in the “poor house” or we may end up in a mansion. We may get the job of our dreams. We may have to settle for less for awhile longer.  We just don’t know, yet our Soul knows; therefore in our depths we know- because we are one in the same- together, united, friends.
It is our work then to come to know the Soul. To understand her. To be in co-creation with her. To co-commune.  To unite.  There is no one or nothing out to get us. There is no one or nothing that does not like us.  There is only the Soul’s Journey, and her need to be all that she is.  The Soul’s Journey and our Journey is the same, and the sooner we start recognizing the Soul and trusting the Soul, the sooner the “fight” many of us endure will come to an end.  It is this fight, which makes us think something or someone is out to get us.  It is only our resistance to our growth that gets us.  He may be clearing you out for some new delight…..Let us be cleared.
Today’s Soul Tip:

Watch for the doubt, which can stop the ecstatic whirling. Yet, remember…
every guest at our door is for our expansion; to be cleared so we can be brought into our depths. Our soul wants our awakening.  We are on It’s Journey.  It only causes us pain to resist our guests.  We invite them all, whether we know so or not.  There are no mistakes.  Somewhere, we must fully engage in our awakening journey, and trust this beautiful and ruthless soul that knows. Let us rejoice we have such a guide; such a companion who loves us and wants us whole.

Come to know your Soul. Open up to Her.  Awaken to Her. Fully engage with Her.  Trust Her. She knows. He does too. 😉
The Whirling Soul Reporter