Thank you dinner at Louis Ristorante~
Up North with my girls~
The Gemini Birthdays~
More Birthday Fun~
A Day at the Zoo~
Butterfly Garden~
Sunset Walks~
And building a house… Stay tuned for pictures and documentation of putting our home together.
The Soul Reporter
Today’s Soul Report: WANT
Giving up want brings us home.
I had an affair with want. It didn’t last long, but long enough to do damage, and enough to learn A LOT. In truth, the affair may not be completely over. But, today I caught a glimpse, a rather extended glimpse of what happens when the affair is over.
Giving up want brings us home.
This past week, I have been catching glimpses of my home in Minnesota- streets and neighborhoods, favorite places I’d visit, and homes I’d lived in. One in particular haunts me, and I’ve been feeling a pull to return to that home. I even wrote my old neighbor, and said, ‘Let me know when our house goes up for sale.’
I caught another glimpse today. It was of Descanso Gardens. It is a beautiful sanctuary of nature near our home now. I followed the glimpse and spent the day.
I did not particularly WANT anything from my day spent there. I just simply caught a glimpse of it in my mind, and followed. Before heading home, I sat on a bench near a stream. I opened up my journal, and began writing.
I wrote of our home, the one that’s been haunting me. The one we left in pursuit of something MORE. I wrote: ‘I don’t care about that big life I wanted, that life I left my house for.’ In that moment, I felt that pursuit of MORE as over.
I had a similar feeling the other day. I knew all the things I’ve wanted would come and when they did, they would not matter. What matters is what I’ve gained inside, and now return to because of that journey. What matters are the relationships I still have and how much more they matter now. But, what I left my old life for doesn’t seem to matter anymore. In this moment, the wanting is over. It’s a relief to feel this. To give up want leads us home.
We live in a culture where it is perfectly acceptable to WANT more. To get more. To do more. I’m not dismissing more. But, I am questioning WANT. In Psalm 23: I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.
In Wizard of Oz– there’s no place like home, after an adventure. Home is where we come when we no longer want. Does it mean we no longer live? We give up desire? We don’t pursue dreams? We just lie down in green pastures and suck on a piece of grass all day? No. It does not.
It means we have more moments without the constant pull from WANT, and we hear more of our Soul. Our heart. We catch glimpses from inside, and we follow them. It is more of a nudge, and less of a grab and go, go, go. It feels softer, and even more real. Simply, we move from a deeper place.
As, I leave the gardens, I write: ‘WANT, I forgive you. I see what you have done. You took me from a home designed by the hopes of a new husband and wife, a new life. When I gave this up for “greener pastures” you had me, and you knew it. Look at what I gave up for you. And now I receive glimpses of where I was before, all the places I left, and I return to look. All the images in my mind are the same, and I have no more regret. This time, when I look you are no longer there taunting me. Pulling me. And without you all I see is home. All I feel is home. Home, and more home.’
To return now, I know this is all there would be. But, I’ve left that home. My children, one grown, the other growing. I don’t know where I will be, but I know home is the continual theme. I know home is the lesson. I know home will continue to expand and awaken within me, especially when WANT is not walking along the side of me.
Namaste,
Nikki
A Pile of O's
Today’s Inspired Homemaking Report: Information Clutter
I was saving these O Magazines until the day I had an article published in one. Then, my daughter said, “Mom, why don’t you just save the ones you are published in.” Good idea, kid. And we moved to California- so I took my pile of O’s, along with my attachment to them, and donated them to a battered woman’s shelter. Now, I read my O and into recycling it goes.
When I taught classes on clutter, the biggest gripe was paper clutter. Mail. Bills. And piles of magazine and newspaper clippings, with the mental attachment title of “someday.” Someday, when I have time I want to read that 1975 article on how to knit a poncho. Why….?
Toss it. Here are the reasons I believe we accumulate information clutter:
~We believe we are dumb. Not smart enough. Why? School. Sure, some teachers knew the wise souls we are, and awakened and facilitated that part of us, but many others looked down on us in our tiny little desks and talked to us like we were nothing- blank slates needing to be filled with the knowledge only they could give.
Now we are all grown up physically, but mentally still think we are vacant containers needing filling. This is why all the experts do so well. We need them. Some of the information out there is wonderful-and needed. Look at me. My information is useful and wonderful, right? So I am not dissing on this. But- I want us to be clear on the why we are seeking the information. What is the intent? What filter is bringing this new information in?
~Distraction. Are we a little addicted to keeping our mind busy? Do we not like space? Time to just be with ourselves?
~Fear & Lack. If I don’t read this, I won’t know it. I want to look smart. I want to fix my flaws. I want to prove I’m okay.
~Superstitios. We believe if we save magazines, someday we will get published in them. Okay maybe that’s just me.
Here is my tip to help clear out the information clutter….
Inspired Homemaking Tip of the Day:
Get clear about your intention. If it captivates your curiosity- read it. If it resonates, it will stick and surface when needed. If you are only reading it out of fear and lack of not knowing something or to keep up with others or sitting alone with yourself with nothing to read or think about freaks you out- toss it.
Original Posting in 2009:
Frantic. Home from work. Arguing with husband about dinner. Daughter and I are gluten and dairy free. Other daughter and husband are not. I’m irritated. I want us to eat together. But how can we?
I also don’t want to cook. I want to relax. To be fed without effort.
I go into the kitchen deciding I will try a new gluten free recipe- mad.
Thinking, why do I have to cook? I have things I want to do.
Write.
Exercise.
Relax.
Read.
Talk to husband about impending birthday of both our Gemini girls.
I take out the wild rice.
Why must I rinse it?
What a pain in the ass.
It’s getting it all over my hands as I try to wash away whatever I’m supposed to wash away. And how will I drain it without losing it all down the kitchen sink drain?
I lose some grains.
I go to fill a pot. Let the water boil.
I touch the rinsed wild rice, and it occurs to me, as sometimes happens, this is a moment of opportunity to connect, in this case with my food.
But it doesn’t happen like that, as a thought of something I should do.
It occurs to me through the experience of touching the rice and noticing the sight with my eyes.
I am making food with my hands to nourish my body. Here in this space of homemaker I can reconnect, feel inspired and alive.
We often go from thing to thing missing these kinds of moments. That’s because they are in the spaces of our movement.
Have you had your wild rice moment yet today?
Talk to me about the resistance to putting items away after you use them in your home…
Mail- what do you do with it after you get it out of the mail box? Do you make your bed every morning? What about your bath towel…? Are you like me and hang it up after you shower or like my daughter and keep it on your bed or dresser, damp?
The Handy Dandy Mail Cabinet
Maybe I have a disorder. Putting things away right after I use them. Opening the mail right when I get it and sorting it in my handy dandy mail cabinet. I don’t know, but if I do for me it is a helpful disorder. Not only does it create order inside my home, I think it might also deter chaos from coming into my home. What do you think?
Inspired Homemaking Tip of the Day:
For chaos free living in your home, put your stuff away after you are done using it. Don’t have a place for your stuff…? Well that’s a whole other topic. Our dog trainer said we want our new big dog to fit into our lives, not us fit into hers. For many of us we are allowing the piles of clutter to dominate our lives. Make your space yours by dealing with it before it deals with you. For further tips and suggestions, please comment or email me at nikki@nikkisacredspace.come or go to my Facebook page and we will chat there.
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The Thanksgiving domestic “bliss” is over and I am glad. There was a time when all things domestic pleased my soul. I had a large home; a perfect laundry room and kitchen. Oversized closets and a large jacuzzi tub. Life on the outside was good.
Today, life on the inside is better than ever, but life on the outside- not quite there yet. I caught a snippet from a Wayne Dyer CD. He says the birds sing before the dawn. They know the sun is going to rise and sing their song. This, he says is the kind of faith we need to have. I resonate with this for the first time.
I find myself singing, even giggling inside about my current exterior situation. I’m living on the edge, especially financially, but I don’t care. The old me would never allow such behavior. I can see the nodding heads of the nay-sayers, and I don’t care. My hair hasn’t been cut and dyed in months. I live in a house for two when we have four. I have no income coming in (yet). My husband is unemployed (for now). My knees hurt. I feel frumpy. I’ve no friends. I stay inside. Not sure if there will be toys under the tree. And yet….
I feel good where it counts. This is the kind of faith I do have, and it didn’t happen overnight.
Today’s Soul Tip:
Even though my exterior life has yet to shine, I am a proponent of moving forward into what scares you the most; for getting yourself highly uncomfortable and out of the safe zone. I have a feeling a lot more in our exterior worlds, both globally and personally are going to collapse. And as they do, you need the kind of faith that makes you sing right before the new dawn.
Namaste,
The Soul Reporter
The Soul Reporter 