>moving from choppy to flow…into one integrated whole

My current life vibe has been uncomfortable, and continues to be. In its continuation, I’m learning to allow it. To not try and fix it and make it better. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d be fixing anyway. Or how I’d make it better. I cannot even say what the issue is. With constant uncomfortability such as this, I would think I could pinpoint one issue and remedy it.

In a recent conversation with my dad he said, and I am sure this is not word-for-word, and only an interpretation- that we get overwhelmed thinking we have all of these individual burdens instead of understanding we hold one process, a process in which is ours and is within us to assist our soul growth and expansion. I’m inside this process, as I am always. In a way it is a comfort to know I hold in my soul everything I need to evolve deeper within myself.

Knowing this, I don’t have to figure anything out. And this is becoming my new way of life. Today on my walk, I was in my head planning my moments. What I would do when I got home. How I would manage the next few days of what needs to be done. The mental activity brought my awareness outside of my limbs moving,the birds singing, and the trees breathing. I made this declaration- I do not want to feel the pressure of my to do list. Nothing is worth my peace, ease and Presence. Nothing. And I became present. I was still uncomfortable. I felt no bliss, but I gave myself up to what is present.

This IS the new way. This is becoming what matters to me- my presence everywhere and with everything. It’s the purpose of the process I carry. Carrying me to the flow within my integrated whole.

Today’s Soul Tip

How do you view your life? In boxes? Lines? Containers? Individual roles that do not compliment each other? Pay attention to the rhythm of one of your days. Does it feel choppy? Do you feel pulled in many different places? Do you view your issues as individual burdens you must solve?

So much presence can be had by understanding everything we need is contained within and there is no need to view anything separately. It is all happening to support us, to bring us toward the recognition of how together we actually are.

The Soul Reporter



Today’s Soul Report:

A wonderful reader of The Soul Reporter, made me a bookmark:

Thanks, Anna

Receiving words of someone else about what I do here at The Soul Reporter gave me the echo I longed for. Someone is reading. Someone hears me. Someone can write about my work here so I don’t have to~ and this helps me get the word out. 
We all need support. In fact, we receive support every second. Nothing we do is done alone, although we often think that it is. We often tell ourselves, I’ll do it alone, instead of asking for help. I used to be one of these people. Today, on my walk through the canyon, I brought my hiking stick. Although I usually keep it in the trunk. When I use it, my walk is lighter. Easier. Beside me is an aluminum stick supporting me. Why keep it in the trunk of my car, as I suffer alone. 
In my life right now, there is a lot of pressure. And I don’t mean this in the way it is often understood- poor me, I’ve got so much on my plate. The pressure I feel is actually new life. Major shifts. Pieces coming together. Work that is ready to be done and due. It is like giving birth. I am in the final stages of labor. It’s time to push, and for me and my two births, the pushing was the hardest, the longest and the most intense. 
When I gave birth I had support. The first time, at age 20 I had lots of it. My father was at my right side, using his coaching skills- C’mon Nik Push. My husband was at the other side of me, probably holding his tongue so I didn’t yell at him, and all around me in a circle were his parents, my mom and of course a couple nurses and a doctor. I stood up. I squatted. I laid down. I got a huge needle stuck in me that made me numb. The vacuum/suction thing was used, which made an awful sound. Hours went by, and finally out came a healthy 8 lb 8 oz baby girl. It was June 18. My second child was born June 21. I give birth in June, and I understand the pressure I feel now is more birthing- but this time to new life- in the form of many ideas, ideas I have held for many years.  Offering this bookmark is one of those ideas. As a reader and subscriber to this blog, purchasing this bookmark is another way to give your support, and in exchange you receive a gift. 
If you are interested in purchasing The Soul Reporter Bookmark, you can send me an email at nikki@nikkisacredspace.com or you can click on this link and instantly be taken to paypal
I thank you for your support. 

Today’s Soul Tip:

In the process of birthing, I reach for my tools. The support of family and friends. Breath. Trees. God, and all that That means. How can you be supported today? 

The Soul Reporter

>Open. Close. You Decide.


So, I am taking a class called Nia. Heard of it? I’m surprised at how many have. It’s so new to me. It’s a combination of dance, martial arts, even a bit of yoga. It’s philosophy is balance. For instance, the first class I took, reflected the balance of stability and fluidity. As our lower body stood solid, our upper body moved in grace.

The first class, I pretty much felt dumb. If you’ve been following this blog, you know my recent journey is to become at ease in my body. I tend to leave it often. Neglect it for soulful work or just mindless nothingness. Nia is helping me move through my uncomfortablity and into my bodily home. It hasn’t taken as long as I thought. Only after three classes, I am already more at ease. I stretch myself toward the front of the room. I mind my own movements instead of comparing myself to others. In some moments, I feel so alive and free, I want to scream, but I don’t because I am not that alive and free yet. And…

Every once and awhile I look in the mirror, something I’m not so comfortable with yet. I don’t like the way I look. I just don’t. The way my arms flab when I hold them up. The tummy that protrudes. The thighs that are so thick they look glued together, and the awkward way the rest of my leg moves out like a V. And if that weren’t enough, I usually don’t wear make up to Nia, and so I see my pudgy, pale face staring back at me and I decide, I think I’ll look away and stare at the teacher. She is fit. Trim and her body moves as though she’s never denied it.

Sometimes we do hip movements. These movements always challenge me. I’m so stiff in my hips. I know I have the suckers. I see them, but shit, they won’t frickin’ move. I watch the teacher, and her hips have a mind of their own. Mine have been controlled. Seized up. I tell myself the teacher’s hips move because she hasn’t had children. Of course, I don’t know that for sure, but let’s pretend so I can feel better. But really, shouldn’t the fact I did give birth- twice- give me a nice hip thrust from time to time?

After Nia yesterday, I took a hot bath and I pondered this hip issue. Without getting too personal, my legs were closed together, as usual. And then, I opened them, allowing my knees to touch the sides of the tub. This was comfortable. The tension released. Isn’t it interesting I thought, how women tend to keep their legs closed. To protect our sacred center between them. Protect it from men. From life. From whatever. What is this doing to our hips? To our lives? Then, I thought of women who are a bit more loose than myself. Like prostitutes perhaps. In my mind, they always have their legs open. Maybe they need to close them. My takeaway: some of us women need to open our legs, therefore our hips, and others may need to shut it down.

The last time I really opened my legs was to give birth. Now, isn’t’ that interesting. Ain’t no baby coming out unless those legs are spread and the hips are open. Unless of course you get a C-section. The other time I opened my legs I met my husband. No, not what you’re thinking. This leg opening moment was innocent. We met at a roller skating rink when we were 15. There was a concert and I was holding a seat for my friends. One leg was propped up on a folding chair, and the other was on the floor. I was wearing a green skirt. I looked up, felt someone looking at me, and there was Chucky- checking out the goods. I closed my legs and after the concert he asked for my number.

So does having my legs open, metaphorically speaking in most ways, mean I am saying yes to life? That I am allowing myself to give birth? If so, I think its time to open wide again. I’ve been holding the goods for far too long. Yes, I am aware of all the sexual connotations here, but really what I am talking about is life. The creative life force within us. My legs have been closed many, many years because I’ve been incubating all sorts of inner life. And for the next many, many years I plan on keeping the legs open. Its my time to birth the fruits in the womb, and as I do, I have the feeling in Nia class, and beyond, my hips are going to awaken and do what hips do- shake and move that life right out.

Today’s Soul Tip:

Take nothing for granted. Every experience is here to move us toward greater understanding. If you find yourself wondering about something, take it deeper. Ask the questions. You’ll get answers. And related to this post specifically- if you feel you’ve been open- giving- it might be time to incubate. Close down a bit, shut those legs, yes, you too men and get dark and small. If you’ve not given enough, allowed enough, been dark and small, it’s time for you to open WIDE- and GIVE.  I trust you know which way to move. 

Oh, and I want to share this with you too. I had this insight while not liking my body when I looked in the mirror: staring at my body in the mirror, I want to be upset by how it looks and moves, but how can I? She simply shows the result of my neglect. My shame. My abandonment of her. My unconscious daily habits that do not support her essence. I am not a victim of her. Nor is she a victim of me. She simply responds to my thoughts, emotions and behaviors.

*A side note totally unrelated to this post: I know I have readers. And I ask, if you like what you receive here, if it makes you think, wonder or have any kind of reaction, please share this blog with others. If you do already, thank you. I appreciate you. And I’d love to hear from you from time to time. Post a comment. Let’s connect. You have to ask, to receive. 


The Soul Reporter