Last night I cried myself to sleep. I’m tired of certain things and I feel strongly about making some shifts. I won’t go into what I am tired of. But, I will say last night I asked for a companion, a friend or better—what Rumi called his Beloved.*
This morning I woke up, committed. In my journal I wrote:
I will not live this life alone any more. I am my source. God is my source and I will spend the rest of my years remembering. If I cannot find friends in the flesh I will find them in words in books and from my very own soul. I commit today, again, to truth. To freedom from hurt. To the end all internal suffering. I commit to healing my body and mind. I commit.
I went to my bookshelf and found two books, one of poetry for the spirit and another for self-care—a daily affirmation book by Melody Beattie.
There was a time I read passages daily, every morning. They were nourishment, feeding my need for truth and spiritual perspective. Many of my rituals have been abandoned. But, this morning I know it is one reason I have felt alone. I have forgotten to remember my resources, both internal and external. Instead I have looked in barren spaces or have not looked at all.
Poems I read:
Pearls lie not on the seashore, If though desirest one, thou must dive for it. ~Oriental Proverb
Life is a pure flame, and we live by an invisible Sun within us.
*Note* This is not a longing for a partner. This companion is more of a longing for myself, for spiritual perspective, for one who can see who I am and be fully present. Is this not a common longing…?