A heated political discussion on facebook turned into a person who brought up the fact that she worked several times in various ways. I wondered if she read my worked at “Self Employed and Loving It!” on my facebook profile or knew I’ve only worked maybe three years at a regular job my entire life. It’s a shame raising kids isn’t considered working in many circles- and for many years I was ashamed, believing I wasn’t doing enough or fitting in with those “who have a clue about the real world”(and yes, someone said this to me). And guess what this belief produced? A life created to please others, and the more I gave up what I didn’t believe I deserved, the more unhappy and less authentic I became- and let me tell you IT’S NOT WORTH IT.

Hearing the tone in this person’s comments about how she works, I realized I was having a full circle moment. I was no longer ashamed of my non-working status, because believe me I work- just not in ways that are seen- yet. But this no longer matters because after many years of feeling bad for living off an inheritance so I could be in the front of the line raising my kids, instead of behind society raising them, I honor who I am and the life I have created- now, and then.

In Minnesota, where I am from, I noticed an aura of apology around people (obviously, me included) as if they were apologizing for taking up space in the world. This type of aura creates passive/aggressive behaviors. Where on one hand we are polite, which means we are apologetic for everything- and on the other hand we are pissed we keep short-changing ourselves. In our aggressiveness, we tend to blame everyone for how we are feeling.

This happened to me the other day. I had three occurrences where I did not respond in authenticity, but backed down in order to please- and not offend. I thought I was mad at these three people, my daughter’s teacher who shames her in class who I gave a fake smile to instead of confronting her; the dentist who may have used a dirty toothbrush on my child, who I did not question but decided I will never go there again; and the woman at the alterations store who, after three weeks never called to tell my hand-knitted sweater could not be repaired.

It’s been awhile since I have been as pissed as I was, or should I say disturbed and bothered. But as soon as I realized I was angry with myself because I was not being true to myself, I returned to the truth- I am always 100% responsible for everything, and in this truth self-forgiveness swept in and cleared the anger.

On the other end of passive aggressive behavior and apologizing for our existence there is entitlement. In California, where I live now people feel no need to apologize for who they are and the lives they live.  This is refreshing in many ways for my stale mid-west upbringing, but it also has its dark side. The sense of entitlement leads to little or no apologizing whatsoever for anything.

So what’s the balance? Are both extreme behaviors a consequence of not being in full responsibility for our lives? Of not being in full appreciation we ARE creators of our circumstance and we ALL do this together?  If so imagine the type of world we would create if everyone saw the true vision of their potential and knew our power to create these lives. In this world would we apologize for our existence, and feel like victims of it? Would we scold, ignore and blame others? Would we have an air of superiority with little regard of the world and others around us? Or would we work in cooperation, feeling no need to belittle or enlarge ourselves and others because we understand when we take 100% responsibility for our selves (which we have anyway, so may as well realize it) we honor the life we have lived and the one we live now, and we want to meet our potentials, knowing striving toward our best self makes the whole better. This is the world I want to live in. But, there is some work to do.

Today’s Soul Tip:


Full responsibility is a bitter, yet liberating pill- a pill we must swallow, but we don’t have to do so all at once. When we realize we are the creators of our lives, the victim whom we have fed and nurtured will drop her head in stubbornness and wallow, begging us not to abandon her. The diva will whip her hair and make a fuss. Neither one will want to give up their staring role in our lives.  But we have a new star, who is in perfect balance. She is loyal and true.  Deep down in her soul, she knows she is a star among many stars. She understands her brightness assists those stars around her and she knows with absolute certainty she is encompassed within the universe, which supports, loves and sustains her.  She is magical. She is our best self. 

*Disclaimer: I realize I am writing in generalities when I speak of the people in Minnesota and California. Of course not everyone in MN is passive aggressive and not everyone in CA is grossly entitled. But there are energies present in the atmosphere, and when there is a dominant force and we are sensitive, we can feel this force and learn from it, which is my intention here.

Namaste,

The Soul Reporter