I watched part of the Oprah interview with Whitney Houston. Unfortunately I missed the first one. I have my own opinions about what I think of Whitney’s “comeback.” I am not sure she is through the woods, as if any of us really are, but here is what I resonated with, and some of what I will be writing about in this blog.
During the “dark” times of Ms. Houston, when she was in an abusive marriage and in addictive patterns, Oprah asked her- to paraphrase- “Did you ever think- this is it. That this life you were living was just the way it was going to be?”
Whitney said- again to paraprhase- “No, I have too much spirit.”
Where Oprah followed with, “So, you knew there was more.”
This is the simple, yet profound answer- why some of us move through our confinements toward our greatness, and others seem to stand still, caught up in the same pain and drama, moving in a circle of more of the same pain and drama- those of us who change, know there is more.
I was in a conversation with my husband a couple of weeks ago. As I was speaking about wanting to move out of the confining energy of my current environment, the word gritty came out of my mouth. Prior to this, I had never used this word, and when I spoke it, the energy of it fit what I knew I needed to get out of the confinement. GRIT.
In the dictionary grit or gritty means: courage and resolve; strength of character. To be quite honest I had no idea what the word even meant until I just looked it up. This often happens when I write. A word will come through I never use in my everyday speaking, and the definition always fits perfectly. Anyway, for me, and I would imagine for many of us, IT IS TIME TO GET GRITTY.
My last post, I investigated time. I said the next one would be on energy, and I think grittiness ties in well. In that post I said that energy, not time, is our most precious resource. So if we feel we lack energy, like we often feel like we lack time, what is clogging up our energy? What is making us stuck and confined? In terms of just pure energy, without going into our confining beliefs and mental patterns, it is inertia. Inertia is: a tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged. Isn’t that the perfect word?
There can be many reasons why inertia takes hold. We may be tied up in seeking approval, and having expectations. If our expectations aren’t met, we will be disappointed. If disappointment is allowed to reign in our brain, we will become bitter. And bitterness will lead to lethargy- and then you have inertia- and no more change for you (at least until you change your mind).
We may have low self-esteem as I did as a young girl. Because of this I created a pattern of not showing up for school, and flunking all of my classes. I did go onto to night school so I could graduate, and then to college (because I wanted more). However, the low self-esteem lingered and caused 12+ years of inertia on many writing projects, that are just now getting on their way.
The pattern of inertia is easy, and dangerous to slip into, and often hell to get out of. For example, as I watched The Biggest Loser the other night, all I could think of was how much effort it is going to take for these 400+ people to climb out of their tomb of inertia, which is being represented by their bodies. The good news is, climbing out is possible. The momentum of lethargy can be beaten by the energy of grit. When we break out of this pattern, we enter into the energy of a higher intention, where there is more flow and enthusiasm.
Which leads me to a question, I have often asked myself- what drives us? Is it this higher intention, or fear, or is it a mixture with no separation at all? Let’s investigate….
Some people, like Madonna and Oprah, for example, seem to have energy for decades. I wonder, what drives them? What drives me? I used to be obsessed with my boyfriend, who is now my husband. As I followed him to work, or sat in my car by his house, or wrote him letters, or stayed up waiting for his car to come into the driveway, I’d wonder: what if I put this energy into something more worthwhile? Imagine how I might make a difference? Which brings me back to what drives us- and whatever it is, will it sustain us?
I can tell you insecurity, and fear of abandonment is what fueled my obsessive pursuit of my husband. I don’t know for certain what fuels Madonna, or Oprah. Is it insecurity? Fear of failing? Fear of slowing down to face some pain or loss? Or is it soul purpose? Passion? Intention to serve others? Or a mixture of all of these?
Being driven by selfish desires, may seem to get us where and what we want, but whatever “windfalls” we might have will be lost. I had a desire for a safe and secure home, and family life. This desire was fueled by a scared, and insecure little girl who did not have those things. The desire was both pure and innocent, and full of fear and lack. And when the dream to become more authentic and real became stronger, the house with the white picked fence and the family inside, crumbled so that a new reality could come forward.
So, if we are being driven by fear, how can we focus on something with the same kind of passion and energy but without the drama- to be driven only by the higher intentions, rather than the human insecurities of lack and fear and selfish desires? My human insecurity wants it all to happen instantly, and of course perfectly. But my spiritual perspective says, it is a process, an often messy, yet orderly one, which will eventually lead us to a place where we will come to trust the force driving us is for good, and not evil, and we are free to move from this place.
I think of little Mattie Stepanek, a boy I trust moved from the pure place of his highest intention. He was the little boy who befriended Oprah (and yes, not the other way around). He had a rare form of muscular dystrophy, and died at age 13. In 13 years, Mattie participated more fully in life, than most of us do that are here a lot longer. He not only found his heart song, he shared it with us all. He is the perfect example of a life well lived, even with such a debilitating illness.
The way we use our energy in life reminds me of the story of the Three Little Bears. As we know, Papa bear’s chair was too hard. Mama bear’s chair was too soft. But baby bear’s chair was just right. Some of us live too hard. We use our energy, especially in our youth to drink, go out, get obsessed in relationships, then jobs and more addictions. These pursuits will slowly and eventually take our energy. My mother lived this way, and now she is tired, and almost depleted at age 67.
Then there are others who like mama bear live too soft. They sit in their comfortable, soft chairs, which are draped in fear and insecurity. They are so comfortable, they don’t think they need change, and don’t want to upset the apple cart. But deeper than this they are afraid to change. Because of this fear, They have all of this unused energy inside of them, that overtime will stale, and eventually dissipate.
And then there is baby bear, like Mattie, who live just right. These people, on some deep level understand their true nature. They live by a spiritual perspective, and do not worry about how much time they have on the planet. They just give, and receive in each moment. I have a feeling these souls are rare, however I trust we are all working toward such rarity.
My prayer since working toward this rarity is, God, use me up. I don’t want to leave here until I am all used up. I want to be a vessel, which stands in her truth and soulful desires, and I want to be used for my messages and my gifts. I want to live life and experience fully. I don’t want to miss a thing. I have no desire to satisfy temporary urges like I once did because those petty desires are giving way to a larger desire to satisfy my longing of true and real life.
As I end this post, I encourage us to be thoughtful of our most precious resource. Keeping in mind, if we live too hard by getting caught up in our own desires and needs, our own cravings and indulgences, which serve no one but ourselves, if we run through life to avoid pain, chasing this and that, then our life force will leave us too soon. If we are afraid to live, for fear we are unworthy, or we will lose ourselves, or for fear of attachments, we will lose our life force too soon. Look at Michael Jackson. Such talent and gifts he did give, however he also gave that energy to medicating his pain. Gone too soon.
And when we do wake up and realize this about our most precious resource and we want to make a change to either get grounded and stabilize our energy if we’ve lived too hard, or to expand and use our energy if we’ve lived too soft, trust we will have the energy to make these changes. I truly believe once we commit to change, and ground into our higher intentions, energy will come, and the potential for new life will near. We don’t need a near death experience or tragic event for this, which often happens. We can choose it right now. And I know some of us, will hold onto our fears, and bitterness until the very end never waking up to what could have been.
If you feel the fire inside. If you hunger for something more, don’t deny it or feed it more chips and cookies(like I have done for 30+ years). Instead, harness that hunger. See it for what it is, a true longing for life, and get gritty about living it. It’s time to do it, and be it. Because when we are inspired (in-spirit) our energy renews.
The -Energetic- Soul Reporter
Oh, and I know this is a long post, but I want to leave it with this- a poem from Mattie, called:
Faces of Faith
I wish that the people who have
Anger and hatred and sadness
Will remember about their Heartsongs,
And get them back.
Everyone is born with a Heartsong,
But as we grow up,
Sometimes we forget about it,
Because we don’t listen to it enough.
And the people of war, well,
They really need to get them back.
Their Heartsongs really need to live,
Because when we die,
They are what rise up.
I want that to happen to me.
I want my Heartsong to rise up, and
I am trying my best down here on earth.
You really can go to Heaven.
You have to sit in ThinkTime
When you lose your Heartsong.