>True Believer I AM

>A Post from a year ago.

Now fast forward to Now…I am declaring myself a true believer. Or at the very least I am going to act like one. At this point what do I have to lose? And as Mr. Thoreau once said: “If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.”
I want to put his words to the test……
And there is a word- want. I had a few interesting discoveries this past week. One had to do with wanting. First it started with Deepak Chopra telling me through my ipod that it is normal and natural to desire for more. This was good to hear because for awhile now I have been afraid to want for anything, even though my soul is craving so much.
Second, I am doing a 28 day Soul Coaching session through a book a friend borrowed me. She says this: the soul loves truth. I have always considered myself a truth teller and a good listener to my soul- however, I have not been listening to it’s desires. I have been stifling them.
Third, Rumi says to give into your desires- but there has been this voice which says: NO. It is not good to give in. As if I am in a monastery. I am slowly recovering from this illusion that giving into my desires is not good.
Fourth, while venting about not knowing what my purpose is, my very sensible daughter said- “Start by doing what you think you want to do. And do something you think you don’t know how to do. My complicated mind asks, is it really that simple?

Fifth, my “meeting” with Oprah keeps surfacing. The True Belief which resides in her core, is what causes those “unexpected” successes to rise and meet her in common hours. She just absolutely knows, and with this, the rest comes.
Sixth, I have been terribly tired the last couple of weeks, taking naps in the middle of the day, which is something I rarely do. I asked my Soul what was going on. The word which kept surfacing was harboring. Okay, so I am tired because I am harboring something. What is it, I ask? The answer: Some great talent. The truth of this made me cry.
I am thrilled for my daughter who knows what she wants to do, or at least is willing to give it her all with something she thinks she wants to do. And I know as she continues to believe in herself, the Universe will rise up to meet her. I suppose, in a way, since being a mother was the first dream I dreamed, it is fitting I give the gift of support to my daughter’s great talent. And I suppose it is also fitting, that for me, I will be a late bloomer in recognizing mine. I am not quite sure what my great talent is, but I think I might know and that’s a good start according to my wise child.
Just knowing there is something great sitting inside of me, which silently I have always known, makes me breathe a bit easier, and my steps more fluid. For now, I don’t have to know what it is, I only have to TRULY BELIEVE it is there, and as I stand in this belief, I will be led to the truth and expression of my purpose.
We all harbor some great talent. Some of us don’t seem to get to it. I watched the HBO special Grey Gardens about the Bouvier-Beale women. It was fascinating to me how they both had a great talent, yet through most of their lives they were imprisoned by the restrictions others put on them, and ultimately the ones they put on themselves. The mother, “Big Edie,” was hindered by her husband who didn’t like her to sing and dance, and he ended up leaving her as did the man she did sing and dance with. Her daughter, “Little Edie” wanted to be an actress, but allowed the neediness of her mother to suck her into a narrow and sheltered existence. Toward the end of their days they lived in complete filth in their East Hampton home. Yet, a documentary was made about them, where “Little Edie” did have a little bit of light to shine in before she passed.
Then there is Oprah, a woman who at the age of 17, was handed a microphone at a radio station which, changed her life. She found what she loved, and she has been doing it ever since. For some it seems to come easily. For others to find the great talent, and then to unleash it- rough and tough. And as I write this, I am aware in all of these examples I know I don’t have even half of the whole story. But what I do know is in order to express the fullness of who we are, we must believe in our Truth- whatever it is.
Because of the discoveries of the past couple of weeks, I understand why I have put the reigns on my dreams. I have been afraid to want because the last time I did, I got what I wanted, and then felt trapped by all the trimmings of the life I ordered. I didn’t want to do that again, and further, not be grateful for the gifts from the life I ordered.
It is clear because of the magnitude of my desires, I have stood on the parched landscape long enough. For a time, it was good to accept this landscape, and in moments, I even learned how to thrive in it. It was also good to take the time to heal and forgive what was. But the truth of my soul is this: it is time to quench the thirst of my desires. I want more, and quite frankly, I need more. Further, I believe my heart is in the right place, so any desire I have will not only be of the benefit of myself, but others.
This brings up a song I am captured by: Earth Song by Michael Jackson. Right now, for me it is the most beautiful song I have ever heard. The heart, the passion, the beauty is all present, as if it comes from some angelic place. It inspires me to bring out the talent inside of me and let it be all that it is, and nothing less.
What are you burning, aching for? Are you listening to the truth of your soul- remembering the Soul loves truth. Are you allowing your desires to unfold? Are you tired, and heavy? Is there some truth you are leaving untold? Has it been awhile since your life has shifted?
A great talent is in YOU, and Now is the time to free your desires, so that what can be, will be.
The Soul Reporter

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