>I am writing a book. I have been for 4 years. As with most relationships, my relationship with this book has become dysfunctional. It is like the man I love so much, who I think about all the time, yet when he is around I neglect and ignore him- finding any and everything to do other than pay attention to him. Or the child whom I want to see excel and succeed and try to control because I think that will make it happen- when really I need to give him or her space to thrive.
I said to my husband tonight that I hate writing this book. I have never said this out loud before, and after I said it I felt bad. In my head I began apologizing to my book, making amends, asking for forgiveness, realizing how important it really is to me. I told my husband it isn’t that I hate writing this book, it is that I love it so much and I am afraid to let it go. I am holding onto it, controlling it like the child I don’t want to see grow up and leave. But it is time for this book to leave, and do what it is going to do without me holding it back. I am now allowing it space. I am giving it the time and energy it deserves. For years now I would rather fold socks, organize files or eat chocolate than write this book. There will always be something for me to do, but tonight I realize this is important to me and I want to see all that it can and will be, and eventually when the time is right, send it on its way- out into the world to do what it is going to do.
Namaste,
Nikki
The Soul Reporter 